Have you ever been in the situation where you headed in one direction only to find it was the wrong place to be and you had to turn back to the original direction but in the end you might still not be going anywhere? This is where my life seems to be heading now. Sometimes being at a standstill is not necessarily a bad thing, considering one can sit back and smell the roses once in a while.
I need to think of what I am going to do for the upcoming once-a-year special day. As luck would have it, it will probably be on a weekday and I will probably be slaving away in the office. Although it will remind me of my old age, somehow I think this extra year has made me wisen up and learn how to let things go. Like right now even if I see him online, we will still talk to each other as normal, but the excitement and anticipation is no longer there. It is as if I have never had any feelings for him before.
I guess maybe I have gone past the stage when I was still so naive and idealistic about things. I used to believe that love is a bed of roses and as long as one does the work well promotions and raises come easily. But now I have been exposed to the ugliness of society and that being in a relationship is not all sweet and sugary.
One lesson I have learnt is that sometimes things are not what they seem on the surface. For instance, a job may seem glamourous on the surface, but it probably has lots of back-biting and politics behind it. And someone whom you had feelings for may not necessary be the right person for you after all. Just like I fell for him as he is so bubbly, witty and chatty when one gets to meet him in person, yet his online persona seems so aloof, distanced and detached. It makes one wonder what his real character and personality is. Anyway since I already have certain criterias in mind, I rather look for guys who can suit me and whom I can complement, instead of wasting time on guys whom I know definitely do not suit me at all. What I am surprised is that I do not feel anything even if I talk to him now, like as if I have never liked him before. How can I actually let go so fast without a struggle?
My friend congratulated me, saying that it is a sign of maturity that I have finally know what I want out of life and learnt how to let things go completely and take things easier. Oh no, does this mean I am no longer eighteen? Must stick with being forever eighteen as it is too depressing to take life so seriously all the time. I still want to have fun and enjoy life too!
So since the opposite direction does not work out, I am now back in the original direction. But it does not need to be a standstill. I can go further beyond the original direction and start on a journey of self-discovery in order to truly find myself.
I need to think of what I am going to do for the upcoming once-a-year special day. As luck would have it, it will probably be on a weekday and I will probably be slaving away in the office. Although it will remind me of my old age, somehow I think this extra year has made me wisen up and learn how to let things go. Like right now even if I see him online, we will still talk to each other as normal, but the excitement and anticipation is no longer there. It is as if I have never had any feelings for him before.
I guess maybe I have gone past the stage when I was still so naive and idealistic about things. I used to believe that love is a bed of roses and as long as one does the work well promotions and raises come easily. But now I have been exposed to the ugliness of society and that being in a relationship is not all sweet and sugary.
One lesson I have learnt is that sometimes things are not what they seem on the surface. For instance, a job may seem glamourous on the surface, but it probably has lots of back-biting and politics behind it. And someone whom you had feelings for may not necessary be the right person for you after all. Just like I fell for him as he is so bubbly, witty and chatty when one gets to meet him in person, yet his online persona seems so aloof, distanced and detached. It makes one wonder what his real character and personality is. Anyway since I already have certain criterias in mind, I rather look for guys who can suit me and whom I can complement, instead of wasting time on guys whom I know definitely do not suit me at all. What I am surprised is that I do not feel anything even if I talk to him now, like as if I have never liked him before. How can I actually let go so fast without a struggle?
My friend congratulated me, saying that it is a sign of maturity that I have finally know what I want out of life and learnt how to let things go completely and take things easier. Oh no, does this mean I am no longer eighteen? Must stick with being forever eighteen as it is too depressing to take life so seriously all the time. I still want to have fun and enjoy life too!
So since the opposite direction does not work out, I am now back in the original direction. But it does not need to be a standstill. I can go further beyond the original direction and start on a journey of self-discovery in order to truly find myself.
4 comments:
I always belive that 'offline' and 'online' persona both makes up a whole person, with 'online' persona carrying slightly more weight. (Most of the time)
Why is that so? Anonmymity allows the inner horse to sneak a peek (露出马脚).
Then again there are people who can 'craft' an online persona, and even maintain it, but that kind of person usually already have a crafted offline one as well.
Hmmm... so perhaps he's been putting on a farce all these while? Well, I'd never know.
What I am surprised is that I do not feel anything even if I talk to him now, like as if I have never liked him before. How can I actually let go so fast without a struggle?
Without a struggle? I hope that is truly the case--for your own good. Yet you still mention about him, albeit in just one of many paragraphs.
That unmistakably smells like a difficulty in letting go.
Hmmm.... perhaps. But I surprise myself though that my feelings can just go away so fast.
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