I was talking to a friend last night, and he said that it is not healthy for me to always go the extra mile for others. For instance, on Friday I became some sort of "recruitment agent", helping a friend source for a computer programming job as he is thinking of leaving his job, and helping another guy look for students to tutor. My friend said I have to be careful not to be taken advantage of like certain things that happened to me before.
The guy I was helping to look for tuition agencies and students for actually thanked me and said it was totally unexpected. He said he does not see people so helpful nowadays. Really? I do not think I am doing anything out of the ordinary. I have given my word that I will help, so the least I can do is to keep my word.
But come to think of it, helping others and making them happy comes naturally to me. As long as there is something I can do, I always must try my best to do it. I do not know whether this is good or bad. I feel good when I know I have helped others in some ways, but on the other hand, I end up being taken advantage of and in the end the credit does to some others.
People will think that someone like me will have lots of friends who are willing to help me out as well. Sad to say, ironically, that is not the case. In fact, I lost a few friends who used to be close to me due to this "helpfulness". At times when I think I am doing the right thing, events proved otherwise, and I get blamed for a lot of things that went wrong when my initial intention was to help out. This is not the same as being a busybody. I do not butt into people's affairs if I am not wanted. I only offer help to those whom I see as being "in need".
Like when my friend is thinking of changing his job and states his interest in a computer programming job, I happen to know some people in this line, so was just asking them if there is any vacancy. For the guy who wants to give tuition, I know of some tuition agencies and some teaching friends who may be able to help him, so all I did was to give them a call and exchanged numbers with each other. I seriously do not think I have done a lot or that I am going the extra mile for anyone.
But when is being helpful and caring considered as too much? Is it being too much if a girl gets a new phone but since the phone is not needed, she gives it to a guy friend because his phone was spoilt so was in need of a phone? Is it being too much when a girl visits a guy friend when he was sick and boiled some soup for him? Is it also being too much when a girl sent over some herbal tea for a guy friend who was sick? But I always feel that there is no line to be drawn if one genuinely cares and wants to help out. There should not be a case of being too helpful or doing too much to one's friends.
Due to this helpfulness, I got into a lot of misunderstandings. When it was my own boyfriend who was sick, I would not hesitate to go over, sponge him, feed him medicine, make a nice drink for him, make sure he is well covered. No doubt whenever I know any of my other friends are sick, I will still show my care. But it will not be a personal nursing visit unless the person is really close or I treat the person as a very good friend. Often than not, I caught the virus from my guy.
When one of my ex was down with sore eyes, I actually helped him put eye drops and sponge his eye areas. I was down with conjunctivities the next day for four days and could not go to school, yet I did not even hear a single word from him or seen a trace of him. My eyes were so sore and I could hardly open them! My classamtes were more concerned than him! And he could accuse me of being unfaithful just beacuse I went to visit a close guy friend who was down with flu and buying some herbal tea for him! The guy friend in question then thought I was trying to two-time, so started being more distant towards me, and our friendship sort of died out just like that. Is it really not good to be concerned for others?
When I was down with chicken pox, I was with my second ex yet he did not even show any concern. He took the time apart to go out with the various female friends he had. My tutorial mate actually called every few days to tell me about the work, emailing me notes and information and asking me how I was feeling, and got a friend who was staying near my area to deliver all my notes, books and stationery to me. Sometimes things like this really makes one ponder that why the very person you give your entire heart and soul to can treat you so nonchalently, yet just a mere good friend whom you only help with school work and discuss tutorials with can be more caring to you.
There used to be lots of gossip about me throughout school because I helped others. When I helped a girl friend with a law paper and she passed the final examinations, she was so grateful that she bought a diamond necklace for me. I found it a bit too much since I did not do much as it was her own efforts that she passed. But she is rich so spending money is her hobby and she is nice to her friends. When one of the girls in the "in" crowd saw my necklace, she was remarking how nice it was and whether my boyfriend gave it to me. I said it was given by a friend whom I have helped. With which she said, "Help in what way? By sleeping with him? No wonder people are so willing to help you." I was totally stunned, so I retorted, "This happened to be given by a girl, and besides, I can jolly well afford a necklace of my own, I do not need to sleep around to get anything, especially not a mere diamond necklace!" I cannot believe the shallowness of some people, and yet law students are supposed to be the smartest of the lot! (I said supposed because there are exceptions, like me!)
So my point is that shall people actually help others who do not give an inkling about you? And shall people continue being nice and caring? Why do people who want to be nice ultimately end up losing out? I lost friends, boyfriends and almost my reputation just because I do not feel right not doing things for others. At times I really wonder whether I should just stop doing so much.
The guy I was helping to look for tuition agencies and students for actually thanked me and said it was totally unexpected. He said he does not see people so helpful nowadays. Really? I do not think I am doing anything out of the ordinary. I have given my word that I will help, so the least I can do is to keep my word.
But come to think of it, helping others and making them happy comes naturally to me. As long as there is something I can do, I always must try my best to do it. I do not know whether this is good or bad. I feel good when I know I have helped others in some ways, but on the other hand, I end up being taken advantage of and in the end the credit does to some others.
People will think that someone like me will have lots of friends who are willing to help me out as well. Sad to say, ironically, that is not the case. In fact, I lost a few friends who used to be close to me due to this "helpfulness". At times when I think I am doing the right thing, events proved otherwise, and I get blamed for a lot of things that went wrong when my initial intention was to help out. This is not the same as being a busybody. I do not butt into people's affairs if I am not wanted. I only offer help to those whom I see as being "in need".
Like when my friend is thinking of changing his job and states his interest in a computer programming job, I happen to know some people in this line, so was just asking them if there is any vacancy. For the guy who wants to give tuition, I know of some tuition agencies and some teaching friends who may be able to help him, so all I did was to give them a call and exchanged numbers with each other. I seriously do not think I have done a lot or that I am going the extra mile for anyone.
But when is being helpful and caring considered as too much? Is it being too much if a girl gets a new phone but since the phone is not needed, she gives it to a guy friend because his phone was spoilt so was in need of a phone? Is it being too much when a girl visits a guy friend when he was sick and boiled some soup for him? Is it also being too much when a girl sent over some herbal tea for a guy friend who was sick? But I always feel that there is no line to be drawn if one genuinely cares and wants to help out. There should not be a case of being too helpful or doing too much to one's friends.
Due to this helpfulness, I got into a lot of misunderstandings. When it was my own boyfriend who was sick, I would not hesitate to go over, sponge him, feed him medicine, make a nice drink for him, make sure he is well covered. No doubt whenever I know any of my other friends are sick, I will still show my care. But it will not be a personal nursing visit unless the person is really close or I treat the person as a very good friend. Often than not, I caught the virus from my guy.
When one of my ex was down with sore eyes, I actually helped him put eye drops and sponge his eye areas. I was down with conjunctivities the next day for four days and could not go to school, yet I did not even hear a single word from him or seen a trace of him. My eyes were so sore and I could hardly open them! My classamtes were more concerned than him! And he could accuse me of being unfaithful just beacuse I went to visit a close guy friend who was down with flu and buying some herbal tea for him! The guy friend in question then thought I was trying to two-time, so started being more distant towards me, and our friendship sort of died out just like that. Is it really not good to be concerned for others?
When I was down with chicken pox, I was with my second ex yet he did not even show any concern. He took the time apart to go out with the various female friends he had. My tutorial mate actually called every few days to tell me about the work, emailing me notes and information and asking me how I was feeling, and got a friend who was staying near my area to deliver all my notes, books and stationery to me. Sometimes things like this really makes one ponder that why the very person you give your entire heart and soul to can treat you so nonchalently, yet just a mere good friend whom you only help with school work and discuss tutorials with can be more caring to you.
There used to be lots of gossip about me throughout school because I helped others. When I helped a girl friend with a law paper and she passed the final examinations, she was so grateful that she bought a diamond necklace for me. I found it a bit too much since I did not do much as it was her own efforts that she passed. But she is rich so spending money is her hobby and she is nice to her friends. When one of the girls in the "in" crowd saw my necklace, she was remarking how nice it was and whether my boyfriend gave it to me. I said it was given by a friend whom I have helped. With which she said, "Help in what way? By sleeping with him? No wonder people are so willing to help you." I was totally stunned, so I retorted, "This happened to be given by a girl, and besides, I can jolly well afford a necklace of my own, I do not need to sleep around to get anything, especially not a mere diamond necklace!" I cannot believe the shallowness of some people, and yet law students are supposed to be the smartest of the lot! (I said supposed because there are exceptions, like me!)
So my point is that shall people actually help others who do not give an inkling about you? And shall people continue being nice and caring? Why do people who want to be nice ultimately end up losing out? I lost friends, boyfriends and almost my reputation just because I do not feel right not doing things for others. At times I really wonder whether I should just stop doing so much.
5 comments:
I'm not quite sure I should say this but sometimes when u want to help someone...let say your friend...it shoudl be done without expecting anything in return. It's because when you help someone such that there might be some kind of a reward system our society has instilled in, it can be quite discouraging. Haha, maybe you just be selective in whom you help. Those really in dire situations cannot be ignored ma...lol
Probably I didn't express myself properly. Whatever I do it's because I sincerely want to do, not because I want anything back. But then when you find out that the people you help turn around and backstab you or don't give a hoot about you, it is a very irritating feeling indeed.
I see.. You got a point down here. Some people can really rear their ugly heads when you treat them too nicely.
don't worry.. do what you deem right. Other people who are not helpful can still spread some rumour around.. Those kind of people are around, and it's best to avoid those kind that can't appreciate your kindness towards your friends...
We must keep being positive. Avoid being dragged by 'those' person who always give you negative comments... especially those that questioning your motives of helping
Cheers
I know. Thanks for your kinds words. :-)
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