The Power Of The Written Word

It is amazing the type of message one can bring across through language and communication. Words can make others melt or be infuriated. I guess it all boils down to the proper usage of the language. For people who are more proficient, they are able to play around with the words and still bring the message across in a sophisticated way.

The written word seems ten times more effective in conveying a message than the spoken word. That is the reason people prefer writing letters or writing down their feelings. Seeing the words in black and white brings the messages across better than verbatim. When people speak, their verbal messages may be distorted and lots of misundestandings may ensue. I am so ashamed of myself that after years of being an English student, I have still not reached the stage where I can make people swoon over my words alone.

One of my friends has posted an entry on how to use other types of words to cover up expletives. Another friend also posted a couple of interesting entries on how some sentences can be taken out of context. Interestingly, these contexts are mainly of the sexual nature. Perhaps the dominant instinct to mate is prevalent in every mammal, homo sapiens included, thus the first thing that normally comes to people’s minds are things of a sexual nature. (Of course I am not speaking for all.)

My friend was writing about the concept of a “colourful” language by using a creative way to use the power of words to cover any expletives and the tool for any effective communication. An extract from his post as stated :

Unfortunately, the need to exclaim in annoyance and/or frustration remained. That's when the "nicotine patch" of explexities stepped in. The "fish" and "duck" and milder (and hence less offensive and more acceptable) "s**t". But these soon caught on with my peers and I started to get bored of them. Then came the moment of enlightenment: a good friend of mine observed that usually it's more important HOW you say a word/phrase rather than the word/phrase itself. It's the amount of emotion and ur articulation of it that imbues it with the power that it has. So, we started experimenting with a couple of innocuous words and discovered that multi-syllablic words were quite effective. Thus began frequent cries of "E-le-phant!" and "Wa-ter-me-lon!" and my personal favourites, "Ba-na-na!" and "Ram-bu-tan!". In fact, it became somewhat of a manifestation of our individuality and creativity. ;-) And to add a bit of emphasis and spice, we'd occasionally intone, "Blar-dee papaya!" or something similarly cathartic. :-)

Using words to cover expletives are not the entire power of the language. What about words taken out of context? There are sentences that could be spouted innocently but taken to mean something else altogether. The other friend I mentioned had the fortune (or misfortune?) to be involved in situations where words spoken could be taken out of context. Extracts from his post :

- The man with the bottle in his hand was hitting on the other man. (Actually this referred a a fight in a food centre.)

- "How (person A) Got to the Top and How Long He Took" (an innocently suggested title for an interview with a top male Scrabble player)

- Since you are seated right next to her, you can bang her. You can only bang her once, unless you have some special power that allows you to immediately bang her again several times. (Two persons playing a Bang! Cardgame.)

Makes one think of things, don’t they? But the most classic one is this :

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

KEN Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

CHRIS Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away... "My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A FEMALE news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my goodness!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

METRO Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

HARRY Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

TED Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

NEW Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

PAT Glenn - Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

Reminds me a little of the campfire songs of old, where the first phrase involves a vampire who can suck, second phrase an ice-cream man who can lick and the third phrase a carpenter who can screw. Some of my more "imaginative" friends added in a fourth phrase involving a prostitue who can, erh, I do not think I need to spell it out. :-p

Maybe we should all start being more “civilized” and start experimenting with more “colourful” language to replace words that are undesirable or can be taken out of context? The pen is mightier than the sword indeed.