I am getting more and more disappointed with local guys in general. Is it so hard to find a well-brought up man with good values? Nowadays most of the guys I meet either want flings or they are not serious to settle down, yet still have no qualms about having sex with girls they meet. Someone actually asked me if I will have sex with someone who is just a good friend but not a steady boyfriend.
Of course not! How can just a mere friend compare with a steady boyfriend? Not that I will have sex with my steady boyfriend as well, since I always stick by my principles that the sacred act is only for the marriage bed. But this person actually ask if I will hold hands or kiss a guy friend. Hello, who does he take me for? Someone so slutty that I just kiss everyone I meet? If he is not my steady boyfriend, he can forget about even holding my hand or holding any part of me! Even with my closest guy friends, ie those I have known for almost twenty years, we do not even hold hands or put our arms around each other when we go out together.
It is sad that society has become so liberal. There is nothing wrong with being liberal, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. Is being liberal right if good traditional values are being compromised? Do people really think it is right to have casual sex with just about anyone? Some people said it is just doing with good friends, better than going to find hookers. And I have been accused of having "weird" values when I think they are the ones with the "distorted" values!
Is it wrong to wait until marriage before going all the way? Do guys only see their girlfriends as just a mere sex object? If the guy really loves the girl, he should respect her body and chastity. The group of friends I have mostly have strict upbringing and strong convictions about sex. I am lucky that most of my friends (both guys and girls) view pre-marital sex as wrong and should wait until marriage. Most of my guy friends are sweet in that they will never dream of defiling the girl they love. Then why is it that I meet people nowadays who ask about sex each time I talk to them, and accuses me of not being compromising or accommodating enough? If they want to do anything, it is their business. But do not get me involved if they get struck down with any form of disease.
Is it to do with upbringing? I know most Chinese parents find it hard to approach the topic of the birds and the bees with their children. But my parents never teach me things like that too, although my mum did emphasise the importance of virginity to a girl. However my brothers, although my parents also never said anything to them, also know not to defile a girl until they are properly married. I guess it is also to do with my school background. I came from a Catholic environment where pre-marital sex is frowned upon.
So where exactly do these people get the idea that it is alright to have flings and do it with a friend? I do not believe that parents allow their children to indulge in casual sex. Then where do these values come from? The media? I also watch a lot of movies and shows where people have no qualms having sex even with strangers, but that does not mean I follow what they do. Why do people think it is right? Is it so hard to even find someone with good enough values to reserve everything on the wedding night? Perhaps that is why I am still single. If all the guys I meet nowadays are of this calibre, I really rather be single for life.
Of course not! How can just a mere friend compare with a steady boyfriend? Not that I will have sex with my steady boyfriend as well, since I always stick by my principles that the sacred act is only for the marriage bed. But this person actually ask if I will hold hands or kiss a guy friend. Hello, who does he take me for? Someone so slutty that I just kiss everyone I meet? If he is not my steady boyfriend, he can forget about even holding my hand or holding any part of me! Even with my closest guy friends, ie those I have known for almost twenty years, we do not even hold hands or put our arms around each other when we go out together.
It is sad that society has become so liberal. There is nothing wrong with being liberal, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. Is being liberal right if good traditional values are being compromised? Do people really think it is right to have casual sex with just about anyone? Some people said it is just doing with good friends, better than going to find hookers. And I have been accused of having "weird" values when I think they are the ones with the "distorted" values!
Is it wrong to wait until marriage before going all the way? Do guys only see their girlfriends as just a mere sex object? If the guy really loves the girl, he should respect her body and chastity. The group of friends I have mostly have strict upbringing and strong convictions about sex. I am lucky that most of my friends (both guys and girls) view pre-marital sex as wrong and should wait until marriage. Most of my guy friends are sweet in that they will never dream of defiling the girl they love. Then why is it that I meet people nowadays who ask about sex each time I talk to them, and accuses me of not being compromising or accommodating enough? If they want to do anything, it is their business. But do not get me involved if they get struck down with any form of disease.
Is it to do with upbringing? I know most Chinese parents find it hard to approach the topic of the birds and the bees with their children. But my parents never teach me things like that too, although my mum did emphasise the importance of virginity to a girl. However my brothers, although my parents also never said anything to them, also know not to defile a girl until they are properly married. I guess it is also to do with my school background. I came from a Catholic environment where pre-marital sex is frowned upon.
So where exactly do these people get the idea that it is alright to have flings and do it with a friend? I do not believe that parents allow their children to indulge in casual sex. Then where do these values come from? The media? I also watch a lot of movies and shows where people have no qualms having sex even with strangers, but that does not mean I follow what they do. Why do people think it is right? Is it so hard to even find someone with good enough values to reserve everything on the wedding night? Perhaps that is why I am still single. If all the guys I meet nowadays are of this calibre, I really rather be single for life.
14 comments:
Well, I'd have to say that you're following a more traditional value. And no one have the right to accuse of you of being 'not compromising enough'.
The idea originates from the west, and there are even terms coined for it. ("Sex buddy" is one of the milder terms.)
Although I do find it weird that you get the questions you get, considering people who's asking you most likely know about your views regarding pre-martial sex. And frankly, I am surprised people talk about this 'openly', as I have never asked any of my lady friends such questions before.
And to answer your last question, I think it is going to be really, really tough to find a guy of your 'calibre' in Singapore, or any other 'westernized' parts of the world (Japan included, and China's following close). Especially if you're gonna be looking at a guy who's like at least 25+ in age.
Erh, are my expectations really so high? I just hope for a nice intelligent and knowledgeable guy, dun need to be rich or good-looking.
hehe.. but you do state about metrosexual well-groomed guy as one of your criteria... =)
Well-groomed just means someone who takes pride in his appearance, does not equate to handsome. :-)
You also want one that's pretty much 'celibrate' till marriage on top of that. And nowadays, this quality is getting rarer and rarer, especially as the guy ages.
Each 'requirement' no matter how 'simple' will just add to the difficulty.
Hi celia, keke well the world is changing and you will hv to decide where you intend to move along with ya. Like I say, in reality there is no right or wrong things to do as trends are changing too. In recent news, the topic of polygamy is being decided again due to the fact that the baby boomers are more well-off and can afford to "enjoy" their lifestyle. So a contributor is suggested singapore to allowed polygamy to prevent husband/wife (s) from going to unwanted places locally and overseas. So like I say, when the time change, people have to change to adapt....I see a future where marriage becomes rare and couples are staying together (without marriage) , loving each other but not necessary with a paper to prove that they are married. Time have changed, so people need to change too. Thanks for the interesting discussion ya.
Regards, david
....and singapore men is not necessarily without volues but of different values ya...like I say, it is preference and difference of perspective in life. Anyway, when one dwell into such areas, precautions have to be taken to prevent diseases etc.....;-)
And ya the guy in green is cute...no wonder there is attraction keke cheers
Dont't take life seriously, like Nike say "Life is Short, Just Do It" else you will die to regret it if you didn't do the things you like to do when you can do it.....
Lastly, LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE ALWAYS!
WORLD PEACE VVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"Just Do It" only applies to things *you* wanted to do, not things that *other people* think that you should do.
Compromises are not a 'win-win' situation in every case. Like many things, it has to go both ways.
Ole Wolvie : The guy does not need to be "celibate" as what you say. I dun care how many girls he had slept with, but as long as he is with me, he has to be faithful and respect how I feel.
Davd : There are a lot of things I can do, without involving anything sexual. Sex is not everything to life, and not everything in life. It is something to enjoy between two people really in love, not just so casually with anyone else, especially not with people you do not know.
David : One more thing to add though : I liked him not because he is cute (although I will not say he is cute, "boyish" will be a better word), but because of his personality, character and intelligence. I was first attracted to his brains and his magnetic personality, being what you term "cute" just happens to be an added bonus.
Well again sexual things and unsexula things are subjective and a preference of individuals ya.
Understand, just find him cute, and I believe of course you will like him because of his other personality....defintely there is a reason for every attraction again depending on the interest of the person.
What I meant by just do it, is of course very individual again, depending on the person's interests & values etc...what I meant is to do things you like as if there is no tomorrow, so that you would not live to regret it....
Cheers
Hmm, my bad then. That's the implication that I gathered from the last paragraph.
Since you do not find it 'right' for people to engage in casual sex, I figured that you would not want a guy with the 'wrong' values (i.e. one who has been indulging in it).
Hmm.. rare to find someone who still have traditional values. Are they motivated by religion?
My comment is that there are a large majority of both men and woman who are liberal. Men who stick to traditional values, men who are "nice, intelligent and knowledgeable guy, dun need to be rich or good-looking" are just about as rare as you are.
Be patient, love will come your way.
There are guys I know who are still traditional, and not all of them have a religion actually.
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