Free Love?

I could not seem to focus today. I did not cry in the office like the last time when my relationship ended, but I was a little dazed and kept staring into thin air. Luckily my boss was away for meetings almost the whole day, so he did not really notice that my work was probably not up to par today. My friend said it is just as well my relationship with that guy (what relationship anyway?) ended before it even started, because if this had been a real break up, he fears for my mental state of health. So perhaps it is a blessing in disguise then. Although he did say that if I feel so hurt, then that proves that my feelings are real. It will be questionable if I do not feel hurt at all. Oh well .....

Someone told me that it is probably due to my way of thinking that no guys want to come after me. So I asked what about my way of thinking? He said I am so strict over not holding hands or hugging or kissing with the guy, so the guy may not have the courage to pursue me. Really? I never said I am against holding hands or kissing, but I only do that to my boyfriend. Heck, if it is my boyfriend, he can do so much more. I do give hugs though, only to people I am very close to. But he told me that guys nowadays indulge in "free love" and will like to hold the girl's hand or kiss the girl even before officially in a relationship. Is that so? Then why none of the guys I know do that to any girl unless she is his girlfriend?

As far as I know, all my guy friends will not even touch any girl if she is not his girlfriend. If all guys are into "free love", then every guy I go out with will want to hold my hand or kiss me already. Although if I went out with that particular someone and he had wanted to hold my hand or kiss me, I would definitely have allowed it. :-D None of my ex-boyfriends were like that too, even the third one with all his liberal views towards sex. None of my guys even touched me until I agreed to start a relationship with them. Even my closest guy friends, ie those I have known for more than fifteen years, have never held my hand or kissed me whenever we go out together. I have never held hands with my godbrother, let alone kiss him, although we did give each other occasional hugs especially the times when he was leaving for the US and when he came back here. Same goes for the other very close guy friend of mine - the brother of my senior. We have also never held hands or even hugged each other, let alone kiss each other.

I tried this experiment with the friend I met earlier on. His girlfriend would be stuck in Australia for quite some time, so they finally broke up. I promised to watch Eric Khoo's "Be With Me" with him today just to cheer him up. In the end, he ended up cheering me up instead. Anyway I casually asked him if he would like to hold my hand or hug me or kiss me, and he stared at me with such a bizarre look like as if I had lost all my marbles. So I guess that proves my point.

Honestly the person who said this to me is the only one I know who thinks like this. I have asked a few of my guy friends whom I deem more liberal and all gave me mostly opposite statements to what he said. If it is because I am too conservative, then I must say that I am already the most liberal where my family members are concerned already. For the whole of my life, I have never ever seen my parents holding hands or hugging or kissing or even touching each other in front of us. Even my cousins have never held hands or kissed their boyfriends / girlfriends / husbands / wives in front of us. For me, I have no qualms holding my boyfriend's hand or even kissing him on the lips in front of my family, despite the horrified disapproving stares from my mum.

Is this concept of "free love" due to Western influence then? Then why do my Australian cousins not behave that way? Why do my Canadian relatives not behave that way as well? My eldest Aussie cousin married a Caucasian wife, and even she does not show any outright public displays of affection with him. My second cousin and his English girlfriend will just hold each other's hands. They do not even kiss in front of us. No wonder my mum always think I am too wild, when compared to my peers, I am already too conservative. My parents will flip if they ever find out the outrageous things my friends do in public with their respective partners.

I really like to know whether guys will really like to touch their female friends, ie hold hands or hug or kiss, if she is not his official girlfriend. Do guys really expect to have public display of affections with just a mere female friend whenever they meet up or go out with each other? So will the girl not be able to gain the guy's attention then if she is not willing to let a mere male friend touch her? But then if the girl gains the guy's attention just because she allows the guy to touch her before they are an official item, then will the guy not be too shallow in this case, because he likes the girl as she allows him to touch her and not because of her character or personality or good points? I believe real intelligent and nice guys will go beyond how a girl looks and how willing or liberal she is. But I may be wrong after all.