My friend dragged me out for a date today. She wanted to introduce this guy who is already thirty and never had a girlfriend. I was quite sceptical because if one is thirty and had never been in a relationship, there must be something wrong isn't it? But she insisted he is a very nice guy, and he is just shy and quiet, that is why he could never attract a girl. So since I had nothing on, I went along with her.
When I saw him I realised why he never had a girlfriend. He actually brought his mum out to meet us! I have no qualms guys being nice to their mums; in fact I will like my partner to be good and filial to his parents. But bringing his mother out to meet a girl the first time round is just too weird for me. Is he trying to get his mother's approval on the girls he meet? Will he drop the girl if his mum does not approve of her? And which guy is thirty and still needs to rely on his parents to make all the decisions for him? I am not even thirty and already I make all the decisions on my own. I never let my parents interfere in my life ever since I became an adult.
He said that his dad is away so he asked his mum not to cook and brought her out for dinner. It is sweet of him, but still, bringing his mum out when he is meeting a girl for the first time is just a bit too much. If he is my boyfriend or even a good friend, I will not mind him bringing his mum out when he meets up with me, but not when he meets me for the first time! How can we be comfortable with each other with his mum sitting there? And the way she fussed over him, it is as if he is only thirteen, not thirty. It is just too much for me.....
I have two ex-boyfriends who are mummy's boys, but this guy will win them hands down. One of my ex-boyfriends take his mum as a goddess. Nothing could be done without his mum's okay. So his girlfriend must match up to his mum's approval and criteria. I once asked him who he thought was the most beautiful girl he had seen, and he told me his mum. It was very sweet of him, only thing was that his mum is just a simple lady. I am not trying to put her down, but I have seen other mothers who are better-looking. Still, it was a sweet gesture and I could not fault him for that. Everything I did had to be his mum's way, ie the way she washed the dishes, the way she cooked, the way she cleaned the house. He would never accept the way I helped him wash the dishes as long as it was not the way his mum did it. I had to re-wash again using his mum's way. Honestly I never bother how people wash dishes as long as they are clean. At times I felt like telling him to just marry his mum then.
The other ex-boyfriend who was also close to his mum also takes his mum's words as gospel truths. Often than not, he broke a date with me just because his parents needed him either to run errands or simply go out with them at the last minute. He had no qualms inconveniencing me as long as his parents were not inconvenienced. I always had to give up whatever I planned and went along with his parents. No matter how hopping mad I was when this occured once too often, I still went along when he went out with his parents. I get along pretty well with all my guy's parents, and I would seriously wanted them to be nice to their parents, but then I would not like to always get my plans shelved just because he wanted to go with his parents. There were also times when I hoped to be able to do what I originally planned with him instead of always getting disrupted.
There was once he really made me so mad. One of my family members contracted chicken pox. I already had chicken pox few years back so I would not be affected. His parents forbade him from coming to my place for two weeks, which was understandable since he never had chicken pox before and I would not like him to be affected too. What got me so angry was that his parents actually told him not to even meet me until my family member recovered, in case the chicken pox virus bounced off me and went into him. That was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of! I actually called up two doctors I know to clarify, and both said that as long as I already had chicken pox, there will be no danger of me spreading to anyone since I am already immune to it. But his parents were so worried that he would get sick and told him not to see me for two weeks. And he went along with it. Does he even have a mind of his own?! I was so upset by what he did that I totally ignored him for a few days. It was no big deal not to meet for two weeks but I was disappointed with the fact that for someone already nearing thirty, he has to rely on his parents to tell him what to do and what not to do?! And I was really upset that his parents treated me like some sort of walking parasite, but he also did the same?! How could I then rely on him for bigger things to come? And he did tell me before that once his girlfriend cannot get along with his parents, he will dump her.
But those two are not even as extreme as the guy I met just now. At least they did not drag their mums along when they first came out to meet me. It was only after their mothers know me well before they started taking me out on their family outings. I like to get along with my partner's parents. I do not mind staying with my in-laws next time, so I always make sure I do my best to make them like me. But that guy's mum seemed to like me though. Strange, from the way she was looking me up and down, I thought she would have lots of negative things to say, not that I would really bother anyway since I am not even the girlfriend. The mum asked me my views on staying in with the in-laws and on marriage and children. So I said I have no preference staying with in-laws, and I want to get married hopefully before thirty and want to have kids, three or four if possible. After which she asked me whether I would like to go to her place one day and have dinner with the whole family. Er.... isn't that a bit too sudden? I hardly even know the guy! I do not want to be in that situation where in order to be with the guy, I have to get the approval of the entire family as well. It is just too scary!
I have no doubt guys are all filial. Even the worst pricks I have met, with all their weird thinkings and liberal views, they are still good to their parents. Filial and respectful they are, I feel a line has to be drawn somewhere. I care for my parents too and will want to be responsible to them in their old age, but I am at the age where I can think for myself and what to do, so I do not need to seek their advice or opinion on things I do. My friend just messaged me and said she did not know he would be bringing his mum along and asked if I would like another date. Well..... perhaps next time if he can agree not to bring his mum out, I may just agree to meet up with him again.
When I saw him I realised why he never had a girlfriend. He actually brought his mum out to meet us! I have no qualms guys being nice to their mums; in fact I will like my partner to be good and filial to his parents. But bringing his mother out to meet a girl the first time round is just too weird for me. Is he trying to get his mother's approval on the girls he meet? Will he drop the girl if his mum does not approve of her? And which guy is thirty and still needs to rely on his parents to make all the decisions for him? I am not even thirty and already I make all the decisions on my own. I never let my parents interfere in my life ever since I became an adult.
He said that his dad is away so he asked his mum not to cook and brought her out for dinner. It is sweet of him, but still, bringing his mum out when he is meeting a girl for the first time is just a bit too much. If he is my boyfriend or even a good friend, I will not mind him bringing his mum out when he meets up with me, but not when he meets me for the first time! How can we be comfortable with each other with his mum sitting there? And the way she fussed over him, it is as if he is only thirteen, not thirty. It is just too much for me.....
I have two ex-boyfriends who are mummy's boys, but this guy will win them hands down. One of my ex-boyfriends take his mum as a goddess. Nothing could be done without his mum's okay. So his girlfriend must match up to his mum's approval and criteria. I once asked him who he thought was the most beautiful girl he had seen, and he told me his mum. It was very sweet of him, only thing was that his mum is just a simple lady. I am not trying to put her down, but I have seen other mothers who are better-looking. Still, it was a sweet gesture and I could not fault him for that. Everything I did had to be his mum's way, ie the way she washed the dishes, the way she cooked, the way she cleaned the house. He would never accept the way I helped him wash the dishes as long as it was not the way his mum did it. I had to re-wash again using his mum's way. Honestly I never bother how people wash dishes as long as they are clean. At times I felt like telling him to just marry his mum then.
The other ex-boyfriend who was also close to his mum also takes his mum's words as gospel truths. Often than not, he broke a date with me just because his parents needed him either to run errands or simply go out with them at the last minute. He had no qualms inconveniencing me as long as his parents were not inconvenienced. I always had to give up whatever I planned and went along with his parents. No matter how hopping mad I was when this occured once too often, I still went along when he went out with his parents. I get along pretty well with all my guy's parents, and I would seriously wanted them to be nice to their parents, but then I would not like to always get my plans shelved just because he wanted to go with his parents. There were also times when I hoped to be able to do what I originally planned with him instead of always getting disrupted.
There was once he really made me so mad. One of my family members contracted chicken pox. I already had chicken pox few years back so I would not be affected. His parents forbade him from coming to my place for two weeks, which was understandable since he never had chicken pox before and I would not like him to be affected too. What got me so angry was that his parents actually told him not to even meet me until my family member recovered, in case the chicken pox virus bounced off me and went into him. That was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of! I actually called up two doctors I know to clarify, and both said that as long as I already had chicken pox, there will be no danger of me spreading to anyone since I am already immune to it. But his parents were so worried that he would get sick and told him not to see me for two weeks. And he went along with it. Does he even have a mind of his own?! I was so upset by what he did that I totally ignored him for a few days. It was no big deal not to meet for two weeks but I was disappointed with the fact that for someone already nearing thirty, he has to rely on his parents to tell him what to do and what not to do?! And I was really upset that his parents treated me like some sort of walking parasite, but he also did the same?! How could I then rely on him for bigger things to come? And he did tell me before that once his girlfriend cannot get along with his parents, he will dump her.
But those two are not even as extreme as the guy I met just now. At least they did not drag their mums along when they first came out to meet me. It was only after their mothers know me well before they started taking me out on their family outings. I like to get along with my partner's parents. I do not mind staying with my in-laws next time, so I always make sure I do my best to make them like me. But that guy's mum seemed to like me though. Strange, from the way she was looking me up and down, I thought she would have lots of negative things to say, not that I would really bother anyway since I am not even the girlfriend. The mum asked me my views on staying in with the in-laws and on marriage and children. So I said I have no preference staying with in-laws, and I want to get married hopefully before thirty and want to have kids, three or four if possible. After which she asked me whether I would like to go to her place one day and have dinner with the whole family. Er.... isn't that a bit too sudden? I hardly even know the guy! I do not want to be in that situation where in order to be with the guy, I have to get the approval of the entire family as well. It is just too scary!
I have no doubt guys are all filial. Even the worst pricks I have met, with all their weird thinkings and liberal views, they are still good to their parents. Filial and respectful they are, I feel a line has to be drawn somewhere. I care for my parents too and will want to be responsible to them in their old age, but I am at the age where I can think for myself and what to do, so I do not need to seek their advice or opinion on things I do. My friend just messaged me and said she did not know he would be bringing his mum along and asked if I would like another date. Well..... perhaps next time if he can agree not to bring his mum out, I may just agree to meet up with him again.
8 comments:
wow wow wow an interesting meeting huh keke.....well like I say, in the end is the individual choice and perference ya.
Right or wrong, after marriage, you will know...and sometimes one might need to based on their instincts and hope that all turns up well.
Anyway, a choice is a choice and come what may but really in the end, we can still make changes either in mindset or the way siutations are along the way ya....and not let people or circumstances "control" our fate in life........
All the best to your search;-)
Hi Hi again, just to encourage you on your journey to a marraige bliss..statistics shows that normally a person will have about 8 - 10 relationships before they finally find or commit to a marriage tie-down...
Well so you are only on your No 3, 5 - 7 more to go ya....take your time and enjoy the guy company for now....else in future, when you look back, you will be unhappy about your life journey...
We as humans just travel once in this journey of life, thus must be mindful to really enjoy what you like and not let fate leads you along life path...
Live, Laugh & Love....
But that guy's mum seemed to like me though.
Heh. That's a good start. But more importantly, how do you feel the guy's impression about you? :>
David : I do not think I have the time to enter into so many relationships. I do have friends who end up with the first one they start a relationship with, so it all depends I guess.
Anon_X : That guy? I honestly think as long as his mum says ok he will have no problems. But my impression of him is that he is quiet, and too mummy's boy. Need to know hiim better (without his mum around) before I can truly assess.
Shakespeare, I noticed that you are inclined to generalize. Example, you said: "I have no doubt that all guys are filial."
In a scale of 1-100, I think I can only be graded at most as 33 filial based on what I have been doing for my parents. I happened to think that gals tend to be a little more filial.
But yeah that guy's extreme. In Japanese he'd be termed as having "マザコン" or 'Mother Complex'
Hi Celia, I understand lah....just trying to encourage you on the statistical average lor;-)
1st love yes, but very rare lor...anyway, we humans would normally like to taste a few before deciding right...like buying house, makan, etc....keke
But I suggest you choose someone who has a mind of his own and not depending too much on other opinion, especially the mom....
Have you heard how in-laws became outlaws keke:)cheers
Ole Wolvie : From what you have said, ie follow your mum shopping when she comes here, sms your mum, etc, I will still consider you as being good and filial to your parents. It is not as if you totally do not care about your parents.
Well yeah... considering how much of a torture it is for guys to be dragged shopping, I guess I may merit more that 33/100 after all :D
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