As I have mentioned in my previous post, my friend and I had a very intense discussion last night. He wanted a girl’s point of view on why some girls can love the guy so much that they practically give their all to the guy. Perhaps only girls know how to love a guy unconditionally? Alright, I am being very unfair here, since I do know of guys who can really love the girl unconditionally too.
He was telling me about some of the girls he met through tertiary studies. There was this girl who was so sensitive and idealistic that she fell in love with every guy who declared his love for her. So he was surprised that when he told her he liked her a lot, he got rebuffed. Hmmmm, perhaps she could tell he was still not able to handle a relationship, no matter how good a friend he can be? What really surprised him was that there was this guy who was very “weird” in his thinking, ie very chauvinistic, petty, self-centred, etc, yet she fell so hard for him that she lost her virginity to him.
I told him that when a girl really fell hard for someone, she is really willing to go to any length to make him happy. A girl will give all to the guy she loves the most, and in cases like these, when the relationship did not work out, the girl would not want to let go. She would become extra clingy and whiny as she had already given everything to the guy. A very sad case. That is why one should never give everything to the guy before anything is official.
A lot of girls I know have been in this situation. My best friend for one. She gave herself to the guy she fell the hardest for, the one she met just after she graduated from university. But I think that was the biggest mistake she had ever made. She gave up a sweet loving guy for someone who could not even be bothered to let her know he would be going overseas for the weekend, and she was so panic-stricken when she could not contact him that she almost fell sick?! And when she finally managed to contact him all he told her was to stop being so childish?! Which guy would just disappear without even letting his girlfriend know?
After the blissful happy times she had, this period became the most miserable part of her life. It is true what people said – you would only be most hurt and miserable by the person you love the most. Even after he dumped her, she continued clinging on, and for a while she became the third party to his new relationship, or shall I say he became a two-timer, wanting the best of both worlds? She finally plucked up her courage and made a clean break as she was becoming bonkers by clinging on. I know for all her relationships, she took the longest time to get over this one.
I saw the same pattern in another friend of mine. She broke up and got back together with one of her ex-boyfriends about three times before he finally made a clean break after the third time. She kept on clinging to him, but he said he never wanted to hear anything from her ever again. She was so depressed that she started bingeing, and had to seek psychiatric help. She took a very long time to get over him too. Although she did not mention anything, we all suspected she must have given herself to him, hence the difficulty in letting go.
So my friend was asking me how far I had gone. I must honestly say that I have gone much farther with my second guy (admittedly the one I probably loved the most), which was why it was so hard for me to let him go. He also said the guy I was after must be someone really special indeed, to render me to do so many things for him before we even started on anything, as he had never seen me so absolutely crazy over someone before. He said that guy did not know what was good for him if he did not want to have anything to do with me. But on the other hand, I cannot force him to like me if he really does not feel anything for me. Afterall, to love someone is to let him go if you know that person is not going to be happy with you.
My friend also said that if the relationship did not work out, then what was the use holding on? True, but then I told him that a girl’s chastity is the most precious thing to her. If she is willing to give it up for a guy, then that guy must be someone really really important to her. Thus, I do not blame my friends for reacting the way they did, although it was not likely to get the guy back. Those two friends I mentioned above, they come from religious and strict families, thus their principle of “staying a virgin until married” is definitely much more pronounced than mine, yet they were still willing to forego their values and gave it up to the guys they truly loved deeply. That in itself is saying something already.
What I am trying to find out is that do guys feel the same way and behave the same way if the girl they gave up their virginity to dumped them and did not want to have anything more to do with them? Will the guy be clingy and whiny and refused to let the girl go as well? But since males and females have been proven to be very different in terms of hormonal, emotional and bodily structures, then perhaps guys are more able to just let things go easier?
He was telling me about some of the girls he met through tertiary studies. There was this girl who was so sensitive and idealistic that she fell in love with every guy who declared his love for her. So he was surprised that when he told her he liked her a lot, he got rebuffed. Hmmmm, perhaps she could tell he was still not able to handle a relationship, no matter how good a friend he can be? What really surprised him was that there was this guy who was very “weird” in his thinking, ie very chauvinistic, petty, self-centred, etc, yet she fell so hard for him that she lost her virginity to him.
I told him that when a girl really fell hard for someone, she is really willing to go to any length to make him happy. A girl will give all to the guy she loves the most, and in cases like these, when the relationship did not work out, the girl would not want to let go. She would become extra clingy and whiny as she had already given everything to the guy. A very sad case. That is why one should never give everything to the guy before anything is official.
A lot of girls I know have been in this situation. My best friend for one. She gave herself to the guy she fell the hardest for, the one she met just after she graduated from university. But I think that was the biggest mistake she had ever made. She gave up a sweet loving guy for someone who could not even be bothered to let her know he would be going overseas for the weekend, and she was so panic-stricken when she could not contact him that she almost fell sick?! And when she finally managed to contact him all he told her was to stop being so childish?! Which guy would just disappear without even letting his girlfriend know?
After the blissful happy times she had, this period became the most miserable part of her life. It is true what people said – you would only be most hurt and miserable by the person you love the most. Even after he dumped her, she continued clinging on, and for a while she became the third party to his new relationship, or shall I say he became a two-timer, wanting the best of both worlds? She finally plucked up her courage and made a clean break as she was becoming bonkers by clinging on. I know for all her relationships, she took the longest time to get over this one.
I saw the same pattern in another friend of mine. She broke up and got back together with one of her ex-boyfriends about three times before he finally made a clean break after the third time. She kept on clinging to him, but he said he never wanted to hear anything from her ever again. She was so depressed that she started bingeing, and had to seek psychiatric help. She took a very long time to get over him too. Although she did not mention anything, we all suspected she must have given herself to him, hence the difficulty in letting go.
So my friend was asking me how far I had gone. I must honestly say that I have gone much farther with my second guy (admittedly the one I probably loved the most), which was why it was so hard for me to let him go. He also said the guy I was after must be someone really special indeed, to render me to do so many things for him before we even started on anything, as he had never seen me so absolutely crazy over someone before. He said that guy did not know what was good for him if he did not want to have anything to do with me. But on the other hand, I cannot force him to like me if he really does not feel anything for me. Afterall, to love someone is to let him go if you know that person is not going to be happy with you.
My friend also said that if the relationship did not work out, then what was the use holding on? True, but then I told him that a girl’s chastity is the most precious thing to her. If she is willing to give it up for a guy, then that guy must be someone really really important to her. Thus, I do not blame my friends for reacting the way they did, although it was not likely to get the guy back. Those two friends I mentioned above, they come from religious and strict families, thus their principle of “staying a virgin until married” is definitely much more pronounced than mine, yet they were still willing to forego their values and gave it up to the guys they truly loved deeply. That in itself is saying something already.
What I am trying to find out is that do guys feel the same way and behave the same way if the girl they gave up their virginity to dumped them and did not want to have anything more to do with them? Will the guy be clingy and whiny and refused to let the girl go as well? But since males and females have been proven to be very different in terms of hormonal, emotional and bodily structures, then perhaps guys are more able to just let things go easier?
0 comments:
Post a Comment