Human emotions are the most complex thing in the entire universe, which is probably why humans are the most complex beings in the world. Darwin’s theory of evolution helps homo sapiens evolve from primitive apes to what they are now, yet life will probably be so much simpler if we had remained as apes. Evolution brings about more and more complicated matters to handle.
Just when a lot of my friends are getting attached or married this year, there are also quite a number who have broken up, including myself. The end of a relationship is a very messy period for both parties. Sometimes couples are lucky and manage to get back together after breaking up. Other times they have a clean break and do not talk to each other ever again. Yet some others can remain friends. As what my best friend said once, it is a very awkward feeling if you ever meet your ex on the streets, let alone still keep in touch. She is still in touch with only that sweet guy and for me, I still only talk to my third guy. Strangely there is no awkwardness talking to him, although I will never ever talk to any of my other ex-boyfriends. Perhaps people really find it harder to forgive those who have hurt them more deeply.
Human emotions are one of those few things that still confuse people. Emotions are the hardest to sort out. How do you know how much you love a person? How do you know you will remain faithful? How do you know nothing will ever happen to your love? How do you know you have completely gotten over someone and ready to love someone else? And how do you know who to choose if there is more than one suitor? Questions, questions, pondering questions which no one can ever find the answers to.
Is it being unfaithful when two married parties choose to love others? What if a married woman and a married man love each other, yet they are not married to each other but to others? But both are unwilling to divorce their respective spouses because the lady’s husband is good to her and the guy’s wife is good to him. Is this selfishness? Is this true love? What if you get married only to find that in the end your spouse is not the one you love the most after all? Is it wrong to betray his / her trust? Is it wrong to divorce and be with the one you really love?
Who can determine what is wrong or right? People always say follow your heart, but sometimes what is in your heart may not be the most rational thing to do. It is wrong to have an affair behind your spouse’s back, but it is also wrong to divorce and abandon your whole family, because this does not only involve your own emotions but other people dear to you. Is it wrong to stay with your family yet your heart is with another person? What if your family finds out what you have been doing? Won’t they be more hurt? On the other hand if your emotions sway, wouldn’t it be total agony to not be with the person you truly love?
I have been telling my friends that when the feelings come, they will know. The problem is what if they feel the same way for more than one person? They feel equally happy and excited to see a few different people, so does it mean they like all of them? Love goes deeper than that. It is taking a deep interest in the lovee’s life, being happy when he / she is happy, and sad when he / she is sad. When all you think about is a particular person, wanting him / her to be in your thoughts all the time, going all out to do things for him / her just so he / she can be happy, taking an active interest to find out what is going on in his / her life, being there for the person, being attentive and considerate to all his / her needs, then that is love. Which was what I have been doing for a certain someone. And I am finally going to admit something which I have been kidding myself with – I am still in love with him, although the feelings are not as strong as before. My best friend is right after all – human emotions are not so easily buried just like that. What a sad case I am going to be again.
My friends complain that why they do the same things for their boyfriends, yet they find the guys’ reactions different. Of course! Different people react to different things. How I loved my first guy and what I have done to him may not necessary work when I did the same things to my second guy. Similarly, how I loved my second guy and the things I did for him also did not work on my third guy. People have different personalities. My first had an ego even bigger than a Swiss Bank Account, my second is more used to a lavish lifestyle and high class living, and my third is just a simple guy who prefers the heartlanders type of life. I had to adapt myself accordingly.
Similarly, I could not expect all three to treat me the same way as what I have been used to. Like when I was out with my second guy I was used to all the high-class places and lavish gifts. When I was with my third guy, I could not expect him to do the same. The biggest mistakes my friends made was to expect all their subsequent boyfriends to treat them even better. That is not possible because all will treat you good and bad in some ways. The only good thing I remembered of my first relationship was that I started going to church seriously. The second one pampered me but often threw tantrums and could not be faithful. The third one was faithful but he was not willing to compromise and accommodate. So everyone is good and bad in some ways. There is no basis for comparison. But human emotions are such that people do tend to compare.
There is no right or wrong way to love someone. It all depends on how you want to show your emotions. Some people show their love in their hearts and their actions but not in their words. Some people declare they love you all the time but do not show it in their actions. People are complex, which makes different people’s emotions more complex. That is why it is so hard to find the right person. Thus if we ever find the right person, we really have to treasure him / her properly.
Just when a lot of my friends are getting attached or married this year, there are also quite a number who have broken up, including myself. The end of a relationship is a very messy period for both parties. Sometimes couples are lucky and manage to get back together after breaking up. Other times they have a clean break and do not talk to each other ever again. Yet some others can remain friends. As what my best friend said once, it is a very awkward feeling if you ever meet your ex on the streets, let alone still keep in touch. She is still in touch with only that sweet guy and for me, I still only talk to my third guy. Strangely there is no awkwardness talking to him, although I will never ever talk to any of my other ex-boyfriends. Perhaps people really find it harder to forgive those who have hurt them more deeply.
Human emotions are one of those few things that still confuse people. Emotions are the hardest to sort out. How do you know how much you love a person? How do you know you will remain faithful? How do you know nothing will ever happen to your love? How do you know you have completely gotten over someone and ready to love someone else? And how do you know who to choose if there is more than one suitor? Questions, questions, pondering questions which no one can ever find the answers to.
Is it being unfaithful when two married parties choose to love others? What if a married woman and a married man love each other, yet they are not married to each other but to others? But both are unwilling to divorce their respective spouses because the lady’s husband is good to her and the guy’s wife is good to him. Is this selfishness? Is this true love? What if you get married only to find that in the end your spouse is not the one you love the most after all? Is it wrong to betray his / her trust? Is it wrong to divorce and be with the one you really love?
Who can determine what is wrong or right? People always say follow your heart, but sometimes what is in your heart may not be the most rational thing to do. It is wrong to have an affair behind your spouse’s back, but it is also wrong to divorce and abandon your whole family, because this does not only involve your own emotions but other people dear to you. Is it wrong to stay with your family yet your heart is with another person? What if your family finds out what you have been doing? Won’t they be more hurt? On the other hand if your emotions sway, wouldn’t it be total agony to not be with the person you truly love?
I have been telling my friends that when the feelings come, they will know. The problem is what if they feel the same way for more than one person? They feel equally happy and excited to see a few different people, so does it mean they like all of them? Love goes deeper than that. It is taking a deep interest in the lovee’s life, being happy when he / she is happy, and sad when he / she is sad. When all you think about is a particular person, wanting him / her to be in your thoughts all the time, going all out to do things for him / her just so he / she can be happy, taking an active interest to find out what is going on in his / her life, being there for the person, being attentive and considerate to all his / her needs, then that is love. Which was what I have been doing for a certain someone. And I am finally going to admit something which I have been kidding myself with – I am still in love with him, although the feelings are not as strong as before. My best friend is right after all – human emotions are not so easily buried just like that. What a sad case I am going to be again.
My friends complain that why they do the same things for their boyfriends, yet they find the guys’ reactions different. Of course! Different people react to different things. How I loved my first guy and what I have done to him may not necessary work when I did the same things to my second guy. Similarly, how I loved my second guy and the things I did for him also did not work on my third guy. People have different personalities. My first had an ego even bigger than a Swiss Bank Account, my second is more used to a lavish lifestyle and high class living, and my third is just a simple guy who prefers the heartlanders type of life. I had to adapt myself accordingly.
Similarly, I could not expect all three to treat me the same way as what I have been used to. Like when I was out with my second guy I was used to all the high-class places and lavish gifts. When I was with my third guy, I could not expect him to do the same. The biggest mistakes my friends made was to expect all their subsequent boyfriends to treat them even better. That is not possible because all will treat you good and bad in some ways. The only good thing I remembered of my first relationship was that I started going to church seriously. The second one pampered me but often threw tantrums and could not be faithful. The third one was faithful but he was not willing to compromise and accommodate. So everyone is good and bad in some ways. There is no basis for comparison. But human emotions are such that people do tend to compare.
There is no right or wrong way to love someone. It all depends on how you want to show your emotions. Some people show their love in their hearts and their actions but not in their words. Some people declare they love you all the time but do not show it in their actions. People are complex, which makes different people’s emotions more complex. That is why it is so hard to find the right person. Thus if we ever find the right person, we really have to treasure him / her properly.
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