Of Diaries And Weblogs

One of my friends asked me last night on why I keep a blog and not a diary. Actually these two are about the same. A blog is essentially a weblog, which means an "online diary". The only difference is that in a blog, one has to be more selective over what to post and uses more guarded language since it reaches out to a wider audience, whereas for a diary, one can have a real free expression on what to say since it is to be kept private.

I still keep a diary though, but since I started blogging, my diary entries have shrunk from an average of five pages to just two pages the most. There are things that only my diary knows; similarly there are things in my blog which will never be in my diary. For instance, my diary contains the real identity of the mysterious guy which so many of my readers are dying to find out, my work and frustrations of my job, the identity of all my friends, the exact conversations we have and all the vivid details of the dreams I have had. What I have in my blog are mostly just snippets here and there. But my blog has my thoughts and opinions on issues like movie reviews, world peace, conservation of the environment and other ideas which can be debated and reached out to a wider threshold. In other words, my blog has a wider variety of topics and genre of writing.

Why did I first start keeping a diary? That was way back in primary school when my teachers made me keep journals, both for English and Chinese. We were encouraged to express our thoughts and feelings of the events that happened to us. When I went to secondary school, the journal entries continued, but when we reached upper secondary, our teacher decided to let us have a break. Somehow she was impressed with my journal entries, so she asked me to continue writing and expressing my views. I found it a good way to belt out all the frustrations and stress of my misunderstood adolescence years, so I started keeping a diary seriously, especially after being inspired by Anne Frank's autobiography. The diary thus became my shadow, my other self, my forum for music composition and song writing ideas, and I also used it for my research ideas and to write my drafts whenever I had an essay to submit.

During Christmas of 1995, my first boyfriend’s mum gave me a journal as a Christmas gift. Although it was nothing much, but it was the most appropriate gift I received, as I was running out of journals. He was not for the idea of keeping a diary, so asked why I was so happy to receive a blank book. I jokingly said I could finally write down how he “bullied” me. He said I should not keep a diary, he could be my diary. That was what I was scared of – he was the type of person where one should not say too much to for fear of getting put down all the time. So I wrote down in the journal everything about our short but tumultuous relationship. I kept this habit from him as he would want to read what I wrote if he ever found out, as to him, we should have no secrets between us.

My diary has followed me through time – from my secondary school days where I was a misunderstood, sheltered and grounded teenager, to happy and excited times of young love, to ecstatic moments when my results exceeded my expectations, to my sorrow and messy state when I fell out of love. Paper is indeed more patient than man.

Then why did I decide to blog since my diary is so intimate to me? Firstly, I got inspired by a certain friend and his impressive blog, secondly I wanted my blog to be a forum where I can unleash my creative juices, and thirdly I can reach out to a mass audience for any thoughts I have on any issue. And since I am going to write anyway, I may as well just type everything - faster and neater. I can develop cramps and numbness after writing for too long. Thus now my blog entries are longer than my own diary entries.

I wish my blog will also follow me through and stand the test of time. I just hope I do not ever run out of things to write about. I will be so miserable when that time comes as I do not wish to stop writing.