Dancing Queen? - Not!

I have branched out into another area of performing arts. I will be taking up ballet lessons from the Singapore Dance Theatre after the Nutcracker performance in December. 12 years of my life I took up ballet, and now 12 years I have stopped. I have to start over from the beginning if I am to take up again, but I like to complete what I have originally started. A pity I cannot perform for the Nutcracker production this time, but it is good enough that I can be taught by those professional dancers themselves. Perhaps some day I can dance on stage again.

I had my share of dance performances when I was young. My ballet group used to perform at the music school everytime we passed a grade, and I took part in the Singapore Youth Festival's Dance Competitions in secondary school. I have never been much of a dancer anyway, so I was always given a very small role. Anyway I did not really take dancing that seriously as compared to playing musical instruments or singing. At that point in time, dancing was just another recreational activity to keep fit and keep my time occupied, otherwise my parents would make me study all the time.

I stopped my lessons around upper secondary due to more school work and activities. Something had to go, so I gave up ballet. It was quite an easy decision, compared to the next choice - choir and singing. Now that I am getting involved in performing arts again, I want to take up lessons again. Afterall, to be a real good performing artist (albeit just a hobby), it is best to know all areas, rather than just one aspect of it. Thus besides ballet, I will also be taking up Latin and Ballroom dancing, just to be more exposed to different types of dance. But that will come later on, perhaps next year.

Meaningful Love Quotes (From Guys)

Girl : To love or to be loved? That is the question.

Guy : In the end, we always ask the same question, don't we? To love or to be loved? Realise that with G1 you have someone who loves you (maybe) and in the other (G2) you face uncertainty. At the bottom of it all lies your heart and what you feel is most important; because even if you accept G1 your feelings are not there. It is not him that you think of at night; not him you will wish to be sharing your joys and triumphs. Here is a bit of trust then : no relationship breathes on one lung. Both must love and cherish each other for that fragile flower of love to live. I think once the heart is not there, then G1 has already lost you. Don't worry if at the start you think he may be the perfect partner but now he cannot. We change and move on. That is why those who move with us are those we keep loving.

Girl : I am single again. Do not wish to have anymore heartbreaks. It is just too tiring and painful.

Guy : If in life there are no heartbreaks, you would not be smarter, stronger and more in tune with your innerself. And you would not appreciate the sweeter side to life and your next love.

Girl : It is getting too tiring to pursue. He does not seem to be responding to me, and I guess I am just not his type. Better to let him find his own dream girl.

Guy : I am sure there are a thousand and one guys around who can be suitable for you. You just need to look around and perhaps the right one will come sooner than you know.

Sweet, aren't they? These excerpts are taken from real-life conversations between one girl and three different guys, all educated, smart and nice. I believe you can pretty much guess who the girl is. ;-D Strange thing is why none of the girls I know can dish out sound advice like these, although girls are supposed to be more romantic and concerned about love. My girlfriends are great at keeping me company and being there for me and lending me a listening ear, yet whenever I need real sound advice, it is always my guy friends whom I go to. Seems like there are lots of sweet guys around, so maybe there is still hope for me!

"Ugly" Singaporeans?

Sometimes I do not know whether to be proud or embarassed at my own country peers. Is there anything wrong with waiting outside the train doors for outgoing passengers to get out first before coming in? Is there a prize for the first one to squeeze into an already crowded train compartment? Due to fools rushing in, no one can get out, making the compartment even more packed.

What is the purpose in that? Wouldn't it make more sense to allow passengers to get out, so incoming passengers would have more space to come in? Besides, when the middle of the compartment is so empty, everyone chose to squeeze around the doorway area, making it even more difficult for passengers to go in and out. Have people no common sense to go into the more empty area? Or are they just so self-centred that they want their own convenience like being near the door, yet cause others to be inconvenienced without battling an eyelid?

The same goes for buses. Everyone just squeezed around the middle of the bus where the exit door is, leaving the front and back rather empty. It is such an inconvenient place to be at as commuters coming up the bus will not be able to move beyond, and commuters wanting to alight have to squeeze through the claustrophobic crowd of people before alighting. And some people even have the cheek to stare daggers at you when you asked to be excused so as to alight. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!

What about escalators? There seems to be an unspoken rule that people riding escalators will keep to the left if they want to move quckly, and keep to the right if they prefer to just cruise around slowly. (Or is it the other way? Whatever, as long as one side there are people moving, and the other side people are stationary.)

However, it gets downright irritating (especially if you are running a little late for work or rushing for an appointment) when the moving side you are on, someone just chooses to stand there and cruise up the escalator, when there is a big empty space in front of the person. There are people at every side, yet the person in front of you just refused to move.

You cannot squeeze through everyone since the escalator has limited space for movement too. If people want to follow the flow of the escalator and not move, then please go to the stationary side. Do not block others who really need to move off in a rush. Sometimes an "excuse me" does not suffice too as people either choose to ignore or again stare daggers at you.

Even on the streets, when people bump into you accidentally, no one ever bothers apologising. Are "sorry" and "excuse me" such dirty words? No one will ever apologise voluntarily. Yet the type of language that comes out of people's mouths (read : F-something, Hokkien vulgarities, S-something) like everyday's common vocabulary means nothing to them. Has society become such that no one is taught to be courteous and considerate anymore? Or is it just this country where no one has qualms about only thinking for themselves?

No wonder foreigners think we are an uncouth, low-class lot. I have witnessed on some of the tours I went to how some Singaporeans can behave overseas, and it really puts me to shame. They are giving the country and people a very bad name. I can be liable to be stoned to death for this entry, but this is something I really hope people can wake up and reflect on. Sometimes your behaviour and actions speak a lot about you. Ultimately, it is your choice whether to give the world a good or bad impression of yourself and the place you come from.

National Day Parade 2005 (Sneak) Preview

Performance by the winners of the Singapore Youth Festival Secondary School Band Competition

Combined School's Choir (sorry a little small)

Pre-Parade Hip Hop Dance Activity

Our Police Force - defender of the people

Our Navy hunks!

Our brave soldiers (land) - See their red berets?

(Supposed to have a shot of the Air Force too, but too bad the shot was spoilt and no time to take another one.)

Yeah! I got a free Nokia!

Nah, it is only a torch. (See the light flashing in the centre?)

Fighter planes in a row (Beautiful skyline, isn't it?)

Our local flag

The logo for NDP '05

A sea of red

I am lucky to have a top civil servant for a parent, so I managed to receive 3 tickets to watch the National Day Parade Preview earlier today. I went with my first brother, who has not seen any National Day Parades for the past few years, as well as my niece from China, who is studying here, so I thought I can let her be exposed to how we celebrate our independence. Although it rained so heavily in the earlier part of the afternoon, the seats were relatively dry by the time we reached the Padang.

Since the tickets were VIP tickets, our seats happened to be right at the Grand Stand, ie in front of the stage and next to where the Ministers and Members of Parliament will be sitting. Since this is only a preview, none of the Ministers and Members of Parliament came, so a proxy (in the form of a teenager dressed in full white) was sent. He came down the stairs of the Supreme Court to represent the arrival of the Ministers. Another teenager acted as the Prime Minister himself, even coming in a government car with government escorts. Lucky kid! This must be one day of his life he will always remember. The President was represented by the actual Speaker of Parliament.

The show this year is going to be much better than previous years. One thing different from previous years is that the show really goes out to heartlanders this time. So while we have the show in Padang, it is also concurrently broadcasting at areas like Yishun, Tampines, Jurong, etc, with their respective Members of Parliament (all by proxies today) and performers. Pretty refreshing and good idea. I will not elaborate more as the actual day is still not here, so do not wish to spoil any surprises. But of course, on the actual day itself, everything will be much better as the actual Ministers and Prime Minister and President will be around in person. Let's just say the show ended with a big bang due to the ejaculation of fireworks.

Meanwhile, enjoy some snapshots of the Preview above. One thing though, I did not have my trusty pink camera handy with me today, so the photos were taken from my 6170 camera phone. I tried my best to zoom, but certain pictures were still out of focus. I e-mailed to myself and tried to sharpen the pictures as much as I could. I apologise if the pictures are blurry and small, but I did whatever I could already.

Taxpayers Funds - What Purpose?

A thought just came to my mind - why is it everyone thrashed NKF for wasting public funds, yet no one has ever said the government is wasting more public funds? The government is using all the taxpayers money to do lots of things which, in my opinion, are totally unnecessary. Not that the government has not done a very good job, but certain things can be less extravagant and the money used for better purposes. Due to higher cost of living (read : higher expenditure of the government), public transport, entertainment and taxes have been increased, yet why are our salaries and bonuses the same, and some decrease even?

I better not say anymore in case I get sued for both libel and defamation rolled in one. :-p

Astrology Signs : How Accurate Are They?

I know I am committing sacrilege for this post. Being a believer of Christ, I am not supposed to believe in any form of horoscopes whatsoever. So when my brother asked me to take a look at this detailed astrology website, I just went in to satisfy my curiosity. It is really detailed, as the report is based on the exact day, month, year and time I was born, as well as the planets corresponding with the signs. Although I take horoscopes with a pinch of salt, but after reading the detailed analysis of my characteristics, I was totally speechless as everything about me is so true! The report gave a 95% accurate analysis of my personality trait. Coincidence? Who knows?

Anyway, here is the report, as reproduced word by word below, so for those who know me or know when my birthday is, you can see whether it is accurate (no, I am not going to say when my exact birth date is for those not in the know):

Rising Sun in 22 degrees Sagittarius (Yes, so for those I have unwittingly offended, please do not take to heart.)

You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times though you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner - you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose - you must be self-directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialise - your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.

Sun in 26 degrees Libra (True - that is why I crave for a mate.)

Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not to be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and art as well. At times, you are very indecisive, you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one-on-one encounter and make the most of it.

Moon in 12 degrees Gemini (Not really - my attention span is pretty long, otherwise how to sit through 2 hours of History lectures per week?)

Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span. Your emotions change rapidly and you love to talk about your feelings. Generally you have good judgment - your intellect controls your emotions and you do not overreact emotionally to things. A good jack-of-all-trades, you have many-sided interests and enjoy reasoning things through. With your mental agility and need for physical mobility, you are attracted to travelling and learning about other peoples and cultures. You have vivid powers of emotional self-expression - you can be a non-stop talker. You love to share your ideas with anyone who will listen.

Mercury in 9 degrees Scorpio (Very very true!)

You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering - reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humour tends toward sarcasm and irony.

Venus in 22 degrees Scorpio (This is also very very true.)

Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively. If you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so - you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you, and because they are so complex, and intense, they frighten you - this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them.

Mars in 20 degrees Scorpio (Quite true to a certain extent - depends on the situation.)

Your likes and dislikes are strong and intense, never casual or superficial. You are known for your persistence and wilful obsession. Once you have decided on a course of action, you are unstoppable. Your emotional actions tend to be extreme, although you try to keep them muted. You are not quick to anger, you do slow burns. And you tend to release your anger as sarcasm or irony. Beware of your tendency to hold grudges and to be vengeful. When you do fight, or release your internal tensions, you do so body and soul - you become totally passionate and your outbursts are awesome to behold.

Jupiter in 6 degrees Leo (Most untrue, especially the 2nd to 4th line)

You must be proud of all that you do in order to grow and develop. You enjoy being totally honest and aboveboard and you revel in the admiration and respect you receive from others due to your high-handed, upright way of life. Make sure, though, that your natural tendency to boast and show off is based on your actual accomplishments. Don't fall prey to self-exaggeration or arrogance. You truly do like outrageous spectacles and grand jolly times and will go out of the way to make them a reality.

Saturn in 10 degrees Virgo (Quite true, except I am only perfectionist to things which are really important to me. My mum is the real perfectionist - everything has to be perfectly her way and with no flaws.)

Your life must be orderly and practical and full of known and familiar routines in order for you to feel comfortable with yourself. Be careful, however, not to let "order" become the be-all and end-all of your life, or you may become cold, crass and unfeeling. Doing useful, practical things boosts your self-esteem. Abstract concepts and reasoning seem frivolous and a waste of time to you. You are very critical of yourself (and others), indeed at times self-deprecating. Try to relax a bit and allow yourself the freedom to fail once in a while. However you probably won't fail very often because you are such a perfectionist.

Uranus in 15 degrees Scorpio (Quite true.)

You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune in 16 degrees Sagittarious (Only the humanitarian part is true, the rest depends on situation.)

You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealising foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gutso. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve those in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village".

Pluto in 16 degrees Libra (Very true too!)

For your entire generation, there is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments - they will not be entered into lightly.

N. Node in 26 degrees Virgo (Mostly true, except the clean shelves part. I do not dust clean shelves!)

You are usually quite at ease in leaving leadership roles in the hands of others. You would rather tend to the thousand and one details that need to be accomplished to keep any group going. Although you are very fussy and high-minded when it comes to choosing your associates, once your loyalty is given you can be trusted with many of the practical aspects of any project that is undertaken. Usually quite unselfish, you will toil long hours in the service of any worthy cause that demands your attention. But be careful that your perfectionist tendencies do not get in the way of making real progress. (In other words, don't waste your time dusting clean shelves!)

Maltese Maltese Maltese!

See, my favourite breed of dog! Cute right? No, this is not my dog (unfortunately). It is my friend's dog, but I always love this breed. This will be the dog I want to have in my own place next time.

Musings Of A Teacher

A lady called me earlier on today (yesterday actually). It seems that she is the mother of the boy whom my ex-colleague was tutoring. My ex-colleague just got married and is moving to England with her husband who got posted there. So she recommended me this assignment (without telling me, thus I was really surprised when the lady called!) as the mother was panicking since the boy will be taking his PSLE in a couple of months.

My friend was tutoring him in Mathematics and Science, 1.5 hours per week, S$55.00 per session. Wow, if I have only 10 students, I only need to work 15 hours per week and I will still earn more than S$2,000.00 per month! Really easy money. Well, a few more years perhaps.

The lady said she will call me again to inform me of the status of the assignment. Honestly, I do not mind taking it up. It has been more than a year since I actually taught someone something, and I am starting to miss the life. I realise I am still happiest when I am teaching or guiding people along.

Initially when I had to do the primary curriculum course in NIE, I was horrified to see that Primary Mathematics was compulsory. I was a Humanities major, thus have not done any form of Mathematics or Science ever since after 'O' Levels. I did not even do 'A' Level Mathematics! I have never been a Mathematics or Science-inclined person.

I have always been right-brained, probably that explains why I always feel more than I think. Needless to say, the Primary Mathematics module was the one I scored the lowest in. Mind you, primary Mathematics are not easy nowadays. Someone used to all the algebra and trigonometry will not be able to solve the problem sums, as the methodology used is different. It took me lots and lots of practice on primary assessment books and lots of consultations with my youngest brother before I finally knew how to do every kind of problem sum.

But after I started teaching, I found out that Mathematics is actually easier to teach than English. That is, if you are teaching a good class. You can give challenging problems and IQ Tests to stimulate the young minds. I gave 1 IQ test every week and 1 Challenging Problems Worksheet of 5 questions every fortnightly. There were also termly quizzes, monthly class tests and lots and lots of revision papers for school tests and examinations. I have an average of 8 different kinds of work to mark per subject per day. The marking load was enough to kill me, but I loved it!

I love teaching good classes as I love challenging the kids. There was one year I taught the tail-end class and I almost died everyday. I felt myself slowing down and stagnating as I always had to reach down to the level of kids who are not so bright. That was the year when I developed serious vocal problems as well, which prompted the decision to quit. I always like challenges. A lot of teachers would prefer teaching normal classes, but for me, my challenge is to teach a good class as I enjoy stretching the kids' minds.

The year I was teaching a Primary 3 higher-ability class, the kids all wanted me to follow them up to Primary 4, but I was asked to teach Primary 2 lower-ability the following year. I suffered the whole of the year. After that, I taught another Primary 3 higher-ability class. Some of the kids have siblings in the previous Primary 3 class I took, and apparently I seemed to have a reputation of the "teacher that makes students work very hard and gives too many hard questions". I wonder what horror stories the elder siblings have been telling the younger siblings, as the first day of school that year, some of the kids begged me not to give them too much work and too many IQ tests. Hmmmmm.......

Nobody ever understands that every 3 pieces of work I give each kid, I have to collect back and mark 3 x 40 pieces (and re-mark if there are any corrections), on top of twice weekly remedial / enrichment classes after school, preparing lesson materials, photocopying resources, online learning worksheets, attending long (and I mean really long) school meetings and workshops, take care of my Choir CCA, source for songs to sing during the thrice a week Assembly singing activities, editing the school's Newsletter, brainstorm ideas on how to improve teaching materials for the various subjects, termly reports on how the classes for the level did for the tests and exams, planning out Music Committee and Arts Programme activities, bringing kids to Singapore Youth Festival and NDP shows, and preparing worksheets for every subject for the level, just to name a few.

Is it any wonder that the working hours for a teacher is 24 x 7? That was why for the few years of my life, I did nothing but teach. I had no time for other activities, except during the school holidays, and even then, we had to report back to school for a few weeks of the holidays. And I still had to cope with unreasonable demands from parents and non-support from the Principal.

A teacher's life is getting harder and harder. But I guess it also depends on the school you are teaching in and the type of students you have. If you are lucky to be posted to a good school with brilliant students, things will be a little easier I guess. If you happened to be posted to a neighbourhood school like me, then things will be harder as there will be more delinquents and unreasonable parents there. There will be more discipline problems, not to mention the all-time poor results.

I had a choice between a primary or secondary school. I chose to teach in a secondary school as English Literature and History was what I really wanted to teach, but that year all my peers were posted to primary schools as only the teachers from the post-graduate course were posted to secondary schools. But I still love teaching, without all the hassles of administration work and demands of the school policies and activites. Teaching is very fun, I love it every step along the way!

Of Job Hunting And Recruitment Agencies

So here I am, job hunting again. I have no qualms on job hunting, except the uncertainty of when to get a job, and a real permanent job for that matter, and also how to budget properly. I am eating into my savings, and at this rate, I may have to cancel my cards, and I do not wish to resort to that. I cannot live without my cards! Paying by card is so convenient; I do not have to endure long queues at ATMs.

Based on my job hunting experiences, I must say that recruitment agencies are the best to go for if you want to look for a job. Of course, most of the time I will send in my resume personally to whichever company that is hiring, but a recruitment agent will really take care of you, assess you, match you to the best job suitable and match the employer to the best jobseeker suitable. Of course, it may not be successful everytime (judging from my most recent experience), but still, they are professionals and really go all out to take care of you.

Of all the employment agencies I have gone to (not that many actually, only about 6), I will highly recommend two of them. The first one is Hudson Global Resources (my dream workplace), and the second is Kelly Services.

Hudson is actually part of a worldwide conglomerate with the headquarters in USA. It caters to a more high-class clientele. Their clients are mostly big organisations and MNCs, thus the prospective employees who apply are normally picked from the creme de la creme of the respective industries, ie very good credentials, experiences and testimonials. Even for their own recruitment consultants, they must have very good qualifications before they can even apply for the job. That is why I can never work there, and they never found me a job for any of their clients. My qualifications are just not good enough. :-(

One thing I like about the firm is their corporate culture and professionalism. Their office is located at one of the Suntec Towers. At the entrance is a professional-looking glass door. Even the receptionist is very professional, and you can actually feel warmth and care while she is serving you. The recruitment consultant I spoke to is also very warm and friendly. They actually gave me a pre-paid envelope with a letter of survey asking me to mail them my feedback after the session. I am really impressed! They really take care of all angles. And Hudson has won an award for "Best Employer of the Year 2003". The plaque itself speaks a lot on their culture - it shows that the company really takes care of the employees and the employees are happy and satisfied there. There is really a difference working for a small local firm and for a big international firm.

Kelly Services used to be known as Business Trends. It originated as a recruitment agency in Australia (I may be wrong though). What I like about this agency are the value-added services. Once you confirm a job with them, you will receive a card known as "myKelly", which entitles you to discounts at eating places, spas, shopping malls and places of interests in Singapore, Malaysia and Australia. No other recruitment agency has ever come up with this concept. Rather fresh and appealing. If the agency gets you a job, you have to sign a time sheet during the probation period, and the agency will pay you, not the employer. So you are considered as an employee of the agency during probation, only after confirmation then you can truly belong to the company.

For all those current jobseekers / potential jobseekers / thinking-of-leaving-your-job-and-looking-for-a-new-job seekers, do try out these two agencies I recommended. And no, I am not giving them free advertisement and they are not paying me commssion for this. I am promoting them because I am really impressed with them and the way they take care of whoever steps into their doors.

A Day Of Bad News

Bad news! My parents are not getting the pool table after all! They said it is out of their budget. They are only willing to set aside S$500, but in all honesty, who in the world can buy a pool table for only S$500? As far as my parents are concerned, everything is the same, so one does not need to spend lots of money to buy the same thing.

Why can't they just understand that not everything is the same? Like a computer for instance, you pay more for higher technology and better quality, and the machine can last for quite some time. My current PC has been with us for about three years, and it had to be sent for repair a few times a year. Instead of spending the money on computer repair, why can't they just spend a little more on a real good computer, which will save them money in the long run? I have been telling my dad this for the past few years, but he just refused to listen to me. Yet everytime the computer breaks down, he expects me to know how to repair it. HMMMMMM!!

Another piece of bad news - the new organisation I am (was) working in could not get my employment status approved, so had to release me. Which meant my official last day was today. I really do hope my stroke of bad luck will end here and good luck will follow. Rather messy structure for such a big organisation, if you ask me. So I am on sabbatical again, when I just got out of one. Oh well, I went for enough interviews last week, so hopefully I can hear some real good news soon.

Rejecting Someone With Guilt

I feel very bad. I just broke the heart of a nice sweet guy today. Actually I rejected him few weeks back already, and he was rather gracious about it. But when he started asking again today, I was trying my best to avoid the topic, until he kept asking that in the end I had no choice but to give a direct "No".

Maybe I was too heartless. I am sure my friends will protest that if he is such a nice sweet guy, why did I keep rejecting him? Because I do not feel anything special towards him! A person can be sweet, nice, polite, handsome, etc, or everything desirable, but sometimes the feeling is just not there. I have already said until I find the person who can trigger off the same type of strong feelings as how I felt for a particular someone, ie someone I can swoon over, make my heart go aflutter, and determined to change for, otherwise I will not accept anyone.

So it is just as well I broke his heart now, no matter how bad I feel about it. To accept someone without giving all your heart to him / her is the cruellest thing you can do to the person. It is best he knows it now, then he can find a much-better deserving girl more worthy of him.

Sidenote : In case any of you wonder why my web counter has been reset, I must apologise for not being as IT-savvy as I thought I was. I was trying to update my profile and also see if I could change my blog template into another one (but after all the experimenting, I realise I still prefer the original one). As a result, through all the trials and errors, my original web counter has been deleted and I have to install a new one. *Sob Sob* The last count was more than 900, probably I could reach 1000 by the end of this week, and now all these are gone due to my one-time idiocy. *Sigh*

Daddy's Home!

My dad is finally back! My mum is so relieved that she can finally get the whole family together again. I just realised my parents gave my first brother an I-POD for his recent 21st birthday. As I said, my parents are unfair, but oh well.... not within my control.

A Farewell To My Vocal Coach

My voice teacher is leaving. Today was my last lesson with her. No doubt my throat is still not completely recovered, thus I was not able to reach the higher notes, but I would not miss out on my last lesson with her. In fact, she was the one that helped make my range wider. In the past, I could only reach up to a G. It was my artistic director that made me go up to a high 'C'. But my voice teacher (Joanna) helped me reach all the way up to the highest 'F', the maximum range for a soprano.

I never know I am actually able to reach this high before this! Incidentally, Joanna herself is also a member of the Lyric Opera and is taking lessons from our artistic director. Now that she is leaving to US on a scholarship to study her Masters in Voice Performance and Pedagogy, my artistic director agreed to take me under her wing, but it is rather scary and stressful to be under her.

After I started voice lessons, I recommended another female friend (also from the Lyric Opera) to learn under Joanna. So tonight, after my lesson, both of us bought Joanna dinner and had a last gathering with her before she leaves. We went to Centrepoint "Food Street" and had dinner at "Prima Taste", a cosy coffeshop-like restaurant that sells fantastic local food, like laksa, chicken rice, bak kut teh (pork ribs soup with herbs) and spring rolls. We had a fantastic dinner and chatting session.

Goodbye Joanna! Thanks for all your guidance. I will remember all the techniques you taught me so as to project my voice better while singing. Best of luck for your studies and hope to see you again!

Lessons From Dan Brown

1. HE IS A GENIUS!!!

2. One can make antimatter (the opposite element of matter) out of nothing.

3. Science and Religion cannot co-exist together. (Just think : Darwin's Theory of Evolution and Galileo's Corpernican theory that the Sun is the centre of the universe goes against any church and biblical teachings. Ironically, the Big Bang theory is exactly what Genesis is based on - create things out of nothing. Food for thought there.)

4. The Brotherhood of Illuminati (ancient arch-enemies of Catholics), Opus Dei (a group of extreme Catholics) and the Priory of Sion REALLY exist.

5. Jesus had a wife (Mary Magdalene).

6. Mona Lisa was an aphrodyte.

7. The Holy Grail was nothing to do with any glass or cup used by Jesus.

8. The image of God was modelled after the ancient Greek God Zeus.

9. The painting "The Last Supper" had Mary Magdalene sitting on Jesus' right.

10. Jesus was actually born sometime in March, but December 25 is celebrated as Christmas as it is the end of the winter solstice.

11. The official language of Vatican City was Italian, French and Latin. English was only for backward and feminine scholars like Shakespeare and Chaucer. (Now, why is English considered the official language of the world then?)

12. Swiss Guards are specially trained to patrol and protect the Pope and the Carmelengo from harm.

13. Vatican City has a vast amount of riches that can support every Catholic church in the world.

14. Terrorists' main aim are not to destroy buildings and cities, but to instil fear and enable the public to stray away from faith.

15. Mathematics is the purest language in the world.

"Angels and Demons" and "Da Vinci Code" challenged all the Catholic teachings I have ever learnt. Despite all these, I still love the books. And I still want to go to Rome to visit the Pantheon, and to Vatican City to see the Sistine Chapel. Great work of architecture, even if it is not for religious reasons.

I hope to be like him - knowledgeable on the subjects of physics, religions, symbology and art history!

Fighting Against Bureaucracy

Positive : You secured a job in one of the biggest local banks as they need people urgently.

Negative : Due to all the red tape and bureaucracy, you did not manage to get your permanent employment approved, thus is considered as a "temp".

Double Negative : The "temp" assignment probably lasts only a month, and if the permanent employment is not approved by then, goodbye!

Why couldn't they tell me all these before I was asked to start work?! Now I feel so cheated. And to think I turned down another job offer for this. Jobsearch, jobsearch, jobsearch, again..... *Sigh*

My first brother is coming back tonight for his summer holidays! The last time he was back was in February during Chinese New Year. Now that he is back, maybe I can get him to guest write or fill-in, then I can take a break! ;-p Afterall, he did English Media and Communications in Perth, so I believe he should be a much better writer than me! Perhaps after reading his entries, nobody wants me to write anymore. :-/

I should be at opera practice tonight, but my throat is still sore. Yet right now I am eating durian chips. Heh, I am really prepared to die young!

What Is For Thou May Not Be For Thee

"One man's medicine is another man's poison." Or something to this effect. This phrase essentially means what works for one person may not necessary work for another person, and what suits someone may not suit another one.

I was reflecting on this issue after a chat with my godbrother last night. Apparently his mother is getting worried about his single status and now tell him to hook up with me, since there does not seem to be any other girls he is on such familiar terms with. What an absurd idea! We were both laughing our heads off about it. Both of us confessed we are not each other's types, despite all our years of friendship. All along I take him like my own brother, it is just impossible to foresee us having anything more than close friendship.

Which brings me back to the first point - many girls are dying to go out with him, but he is not interested in any of them. Yet the girls he had been interested in before all did not want to have anything to do with him. I pity him sometimes. But this is the same case as myself - not counting all my past relationships, nowadays, the guy I truly liked did not share the same sentiments, and the girls he went after all do not like him in that way. And the guys who pursue me nowadays, well, somehow I just do not have that type of feelings towards them. Like I said, until I meet someone who can trigger off the same amount of feelings like how I felt for him, otherwise too bad.

Some people have asked me how I got to know my godbrother. It was a long story actually. I met him through an injury. That was way back in primary school. I went with my senior to her brother's school to pick him up. There were a group of boys playing nearby to where I was standing since I was waiting for the brother and sister to come out. Suddenly a stone flew by and hit me smack on the side of my forehead! The next moment I knew, I felt my head spinning, and there was blood! I was on the verge of fainting.

This little boy (he was the one who threw the stone) came over and was so frightened that he immediately called one of the teachers who brought me to the first aid room to get patched up. Luckily it was nothing serious, but unfortunately, that little incident scarred me for life. I still have the scar, although faded, at the same spot, except now it is covered by my fringe. When my friends came and picked me up, I was feeling so much better. That particular little boy was so guilty over the accident that he gave me his phone number and asked me to call him when I reached home to let him know if I was alright. So sweet, even at the age of nine! As you can guess, he later adopted me as his "big sister" and the rest, as they say, is history.

Then how do you know if the person is for you? Somehow you just know. And you also know if the person is not for you. You can be close friends for so long but never develop things further because both are not each other's types of a partner. That is why a guy can have so many female friends whom he know for ages, but in the end he may end up with someone totally new.

The same goes for a girl. Because we all have a certain type of partner which we are looking for, ultimately in every relationship, the partner is of the same type - similar traits, characteristics, even body size. For a guy who likes a girl who is independent and understanding, he normally looks for girls of these traits and so on.

My type is always standard. Despite all my failures, I will still go for the same type as I realise now that I get along best with guys of similar traits to what I am looking for. While some of my friends look for outer beauty, I look for inner beauty and brains. That is why what is for me is not necessary what is for others, and vice versa.

Poetic License

A stranger you were once.
Then with a gentle look
You took my hand.
As our lives engaged,
You lit my life.
Love is a decision,
Not an emotion or feeling,
That if made from the heart
Will outlast anything.

Nice poem right? No, it is not by me. I got this from one of my online friends which I find very meaningful. Ironically, despite all the English Literature I have done, I still cannot write good poetry. :-( The above poem reminds me of Shakespeare's most famous sonnet - Sonnet No. 18.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling bud of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And ever fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Beautiful right? The best forms of poetry (especially love poems) I love are still Shakespearean quotations. Just like my favourite verses from some of my favourite plays below.

Romeo and Juliet

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs;
Being purg'd, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears;
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.

And the famous line : My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep: the more it give to thee The more I have, for both are infinite.

The Two Gentlemen of Verona

To be in love, where scorn is bought with groans;
Coy looks with heart-sore sighs; one fading moments mirth
With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights:
If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;
If lost, why then a grievous labour won;
However, but a folly bought with wit,
Or else a wit by folly vanquished.

Twelth Night

If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! It had a dying fall;
O, it came o'er my ear like a sweet sound
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour.

Maybe I shall try composing a haiku on the same theme :

What is about love
That cause all to live and die
In eternity.

Ok, I already said I cannot write any form of good poetry. I can analyse and argue about poems, but yet I suck at writing poems. That is why I always admire my friends who can write such beautiful poems so effortlessly. So for those of you who wants an explanation of what the above poems mean, feel free to let me know and I will give you the gist of all.

So good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow.

A Hairy Tale (Tribute To My Crowning Glory)

Finally, my new Harry Potter book has arrived! I have something to read again. I seem to have exhausted just about every book lately. I am soon running out of books to read, and have to resort to re-reading some of the books I love.

My family had just hung up a Singapore flag in front of our house. This reminds me that it is the time to be patriotic again. For someone who had never been to the military and has no idea how to best defend the country, I really wonder what I would do if we come under a terrorist attack. Will I be the first to run away? Or will I stay and protect my family and loved ones? Or will I be so unlucky to be directly under the bomb explosion? Perhaps we will never know all these until something really happens (not that I am hoping for anything bad to happen, as I enjoy the peace and tranquility).

I am contemplating whether to cut my hair off. My hair is now after chest level, with just another inch to the waist. It is getting harder and longer to wash my hair, and more expensive to wash and style it in a salon. Although I admit I am ultra vain, but I spend more making up my face and painting my nails than on my hair.

When my hair was wavy and frizzy in the past, it was unmanageable, despite all the shampoo, conditioner, treatment and occasional mask. It was hard to comb, hard to style, and hard to dry after washing since all the tips curled up. That was why I finally decided to rebond my hair posthumously - some five years after rebonding became the rage. And it made such a difference to me! First time in my life my hair was so straight and I could actually run my comb through my hair so effortlessly! It was easier to wash and dry since my hair became straighter. My hair really became much more manageable and I did not need to spend time styling it before going out. I even looked better in straighter hair!

It is going to be a hard decision whether to cut my hair off, since I have not cut my hair ever since the last time I cut it off real short some ten years back (that was the time I was dumped for the first time, and I wanted to do something crazy). Before that, my hair was waist-length, so when I cut the entire length off, it raised many eyebrows and triggered many reactions. Since then, I have not cut my hair short ever again, except the occasional trim and layers to keep it neat and tidy.

Ever since that time, my hair has gone through two major colour jobs, five different cuts to my fringe (from layered to flat to china-doll to my current side layered), and one major rebonding job. I have not tied my hair up ever since the boyish cut and I left school. And it has finally grown to the desired length, although I do not mind if it grows back to the original waist-length.

Through the years, I have been deciding whether to cut or not to cut. I find it rather hot and stuffy sometimes with hair so long. Despite the fact that all my relatives commented how nice my hair is now, I still find it quite troublesome to have long hair. My ex-boyfriend really loved my long rebonded hair, and always liked to run his fingers through. I wonder if all guys like girls with nice long hair? Besides, I want a French twist as my wedding hairstyle, and that works only on long hair.

So the conclusion? My hair will stay as it is for now. Maybe I will go for another colour job soon. My rebonding job has stayed for pretty long. After growing my hair for so long, I do not think I can actually bear to cut the whole thing off again. Thus I just have to spend a longer time washing and drying my hair, and paying more for a salon style. Ah, the price of vanity. :-D

Knowing What You Want

I just got off the phone with a close girl friend. She was raving about this Mickey and Minnie Mouse store in Bugis Junction, selling very nice T-shirts and bags. She asked me about my relationship. "What relationship?" I answered. I told her right now my status is single, available and searching.

She was pretty surprised as she thought I was always the one who stays in long relationships. Yes, I do stay in long relationships, but in the end, all for naught, and I ended up broken-hearted, and wasted my time and youth for nothing. So I said sometimes it is better not to be together for too long, as the relationship may just become very unhealthy. We got to discussing how some of our friends got married after just knowing their husbands for less than a year.

She asked whether it is possible to know if he is the guy you want to marry just after few months? Possible of course, judging from my recent experiences. As we progress in age and experience, we get to finally realise what we want in a partner. So for someone our age, we no longer go for flings (not that I have ever gone for any fling) or long courtships. We are no longer looking for a boyfriend but a life partner. Thus we should know the type of guy we are looking for, and if we meet someone who fulfils our requirements, we have every right to fight for him. Although if the guy is your type but you are not the guy's type, then that is another depressing story. In which case, it is best to let him go and look around for other options. There are so many people in the world, definitely we will be able to find someone else who can fit our requirements.

So she asked if I have met someone new. The truth is, I am getting more impressed with this friend of mine whom I am trying to decide whether to seriously consider. So far he has met a lot of my criterias. He is a born, baptised and confirmed Catholic and used to serve in church, his family is liberal and open-minded, he was born in New Zealand, moved back here, then went to Australia to study, scored 1500 out of 1600 for his SATs (I wonder if anyone I know ever beat my score of 1550), took an Integrated Programme and finished his 'O' levels at the age of 15 (in other words, very smart!!), graduated with a degree at the age of 18. He is mature for his age, very knowledgeable and worldly (probably due to his overseas education), we share many similar ideals and ambitions and what we want out of life, we are both die-hard chocoholics, both love good food and eating at the same restaurants, both have similar expectations of what we want out of relationships. Too good to be true right? So why am I still hesitating? The catch - he is much younger than me! He is just a few months older than my first brother!

I know I have said that age probably does not matter if both parties are compatible. I can accept it if the guy is even four years younger than me. But in this case, I want to be married before I turn 30, so do I want to wait a while longer? Can he afford to marry me by then? He is ambitious and still want to study more, which is a good thing, but that also means he will not get married that early. He says he will get married by the age of 25, but I will already be above 30 then. Can I really afford to take the risk and wait for him?

What a pity. If he is just a few years older, I would not have hesitated. I would probably have accepted if he asked me. And we can probably get married within the year. Thus, it is possible to know he is the right person to be with just after a few months. It is just a matter of knowing what you want out of life, a relationship and a partner. As long as you know what you want, everything else is smooth-sailing, and you do not need long periods of courtship to determine the stability and security of the relationship.

Lady's Account ... No More

Positive : There is finally a Lady's Account for chequing and Platinum card facilities.

Negative : There must be an initial deposit of S$20,000 and monthly balance of S$10,000 to open the account.

Double Negative : You realise you are not that loaded to open an account which you really need. :-/

What a bummer!

Chocoholic's Cravings Satisfied!

I finally had my chocolate craving satisfied today. No doubt I still have a sore throat, but I could not care anymore. If I do not have any chocolate today, I am going to have withdrawal syndromes. At least I had enough chcolate to last me until my next craving, ie the day I watch "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", as I am sure after that I will have another big craving.

I went out with the friend whom I am passing the mobile phone to. We went to Billy Bombers for lunch, where I ordered Cheese Fries, Root Beer Float and Chocolate Malt! There are only 2 drinks I ever drink in Billy Bombers - Root Beer Float and Chocolate Malt. Afterthat, we went down to Wisma to get his sister's phone repaired at the Sony Ericsson shop. Since the phone will take a couple of hours to repair, we went down to Lucky Plaza to play pool. I have not played pool for more than a year, and I am surprised I can still shoot a curve ball! Incidentally my brother chose the pool table for his birthday, and it will be placed in the computer room, which is next to my room! Hooray! I can shoot pool as often as I like now.

My siblings and I all can shoot pool, but we are not experts. Thus, I lost three games out of three. :-( After the crushing defeat, I suggested going to Coffee Club at Wisma for tea. I ordered a very sinful mudpie (which I shared with my friend), and a large Double Hot Chocolate. I am having my punishment now - my throat now hurts like hell. :-(

It's A Small World

I find it very interesting that friends I go out with always happen to meet people they know. This has been going on ever since I started a relationship all those years ago. Whenever we go out, we always happened to bump into his classmates or ex-classmates. It was as if my friends have become non-existent. Even for my second relationship, he always met people he knew. There was only one occasion when I bumped into my best friend and her then-boyfriend as we were taking the same train. Even for my third relationship, he always happened to meet people he knew, whether from school or army. Maybe guys have more friends since they go through army?

Now that I am no longer in any relationships and just going out with different friends, the same thing happens. My dinner companion on Monday met three friends during the time he was with me. My tea companion on Thursday met two friends while he was with me. Strangely, I never get to meet people I know, be it alone or with someone. I do not bump into my primary school friends, or secondary school friends, or tertiary friends. Yet, the only people I actually happened to bump into were my ex-boyfriends and their girlfriends, or their ex-girlfriends! Maybe the Big Boss up there is trying to test my reaction, making me meet people I do not wish to see.

People always said the world is small, and Singapore is too small. Then why is it I never get to see familiar faces? Perhaps it is not that small afterall. Now if I go to Korea, will I get to meet my idol Pei Yongjun instead? Or if I make a trip to Hollywood, will I get to see Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise?

Love's Labours

One of my friends just asked me the other day, "How do you know you are in love?" I answered, "You just know." She countered, "How do you know it is true love, and not just a physical attraction?" Erm, I was a little stumped after that. How to answer a question like this?

I got to reflecting on the feelings I felt over the years. Which one of my guys did I ever experience true love and not just physical attraction? I told her that I think the easiest way to determine is to see if you fall for the character and mentality, not just physical appearance. Even then, that is a little hard to gauge because one does not know a person truly well until one has been in a relationship with him / her for a period of time. What may attract you in the beginning may later turn out to be something you hate.

If you truly love someone, you will want the person to be happy. You will try your best to make the person happy. I have no qualms being at my boyfriend's beck and call if he is the one I truly love. I used to think what I would do if he and I ever start off. Seems like what I would do for him would be even more than what I had been doing for my ex-boyfriends. Maybe he was the person I truly love the most. He was the person I was willing to change for, cook for, clean the house for. When I thought of all these, I was really surprised at myself. I had never even thought of doing any of those for any of my ex-boyfriends. Even though they imposed on me and I still did, but I had never thought of voluntarily cooking or cleaning for them. But few weeks back when my feelings for someone was so strong, I even wanted to be his housekeeper! All the ditzy notions.

Did I not love my ex-boyfriends then? I believe I loved them all, some more than the others. But I guess you will be most willing to do things for the one you love the most. My first two boyfriends did more for their subsequent girlfriends, and my most recent one did more for his former ex-girlfriend. I used to be upset as I was always the one who had to do more, but what is the use? One cannot love to order. Until one truly fall for someone else, then one will experience the over-powering urge to do so much for the other person. If you truly love a person, you will not mind doing so much more.

Right now I know of at least two guys who may be pursuing me. I am in the process of considering one of them. Why the reservation and hesitation? Somehow the feeling is not there. We get along well, we think alike, we are both chocoholics and like the same type of food and eating places, we have similar ideals in life, and he is a born, baptised and confirmed Catholic, but somehow, I do not foresee myself doing a lot for him. Or maybe still not yet. Until my feelings become even stronger than how I felt for a certain someone, or until I meet the person who can trigger off stronger feelings in me, otherwise I will still be keeping my options open.

Favouritism?

At times I wonder if my parents favour my brothers more than me. How typical of Chinese parents! Just from the birthday celebrations alone I can tell how they treat us. My first brother turned 21 this year, and my parents specially flew to Shanghai just to celebrate with him. Before he left for his new semester in February, my parents threw a party as an advanced celebration.

My youngest brother is turning 17 in two weeks, and he has a choice between a pool table or a new mobile phone (under my dad's account) for his birthday gift. I never had that elaborate gifts, or thrown a birthday party, whether I was 17 or 21. The most my parents ever did was to buy me a sinful chocolate cake and gave cash gifts (until I started working, by then it was just a cake), except for the mobile phone my dad gave me for my 21st birthday, but even then, I had to foot my own bills.

I am not making a big deal of how my birthday should be celebrated. But I just find it so unfair. Am I not their child too?! Why are my brothers' birthdays so much more important and more worthy of celebrating than mine? It is not just on birthday celebrations alone that we are treated differently. We are also treated differently on our school results.

When I scored 252 for my PSLE, no doubt it was no big deal, but my mum was not happy as I did not score straight A-stars. When I scored 10 points for my 'O' levels and entered a premier JC, she was again not happy as I did not score straight As. When I gave up all my 3 'S' papers, she was furious! When I scored 3As, 1C, 1 A1 and 1 B3 for my 'A' levels, she was also not happy.

She was satisfied only when I entered law. Needless to say, she was furious when I dropped out. My university results were never to her satisfaction as they were never straight As, and even now, she never let me forget that I did not have an Honours degree, as compared to my cousins who have first-class Honours and Masters in Law, Engineering, Medicine, Architecture, Accountancy, Business Administration, Economics, Computer Science. I find it very stressful being her child!

My first brother? He scored only 229 for his PSLE, and my parents did not even say a thing! I would have been skinned alive by them if I scored that grade! He did not score well enough to enter any JC, so my parents sent him to Perth to study. He passed his degree only at the skin of his teeth, and now my parents sent him to China hoping he would brush up his qualifications, but apparently his results are still on borderline.

My youngest brother? He scored 240 for his PSLE and 10 points for his 'O' levels. Right now he is in JC, but not a premier one, and he looks set to drop one subject already, as he failed a few subjects at his recent mid-year examinations. Yet my parents did not say anything! Why are they only so sarcastic to me? Why am I the only one that they push to excel in studies and other activities? My brothers were never sent to any music or enrichment courses, only me! Why is it so unfair?

Even in relationships, my mum expects me to bring home someone established and with good career prospects, essentially someone she feels worthy and able to provide for me, and not someone who is still studying or starting out on a career. Who makes her the judge on whether the guy is worthy of me? I know it best how worthy he is.

She always tell me to find someone rich enough to give me a good life. I always tell her whether the person is rich is immaterial, as long as he is the type I want. And if the guy is too rich, who is to say he will not fool around? But right now, she tells my brother she will be happy enough if he can bring home a nice girl. Why am I the only one she puts demands and her high expectations on? Am I really so useless in her eyes?

Do not get me wrong. I love my family. I have no qualms for my brothers to receive nice gifts and celebrations. I just find it unfair that I am being treated so differently from them. Even during our younger days, I was the one that got scolded for everything my brothers did. It was as if my parents could not bear to scold them.

I feel that parents should treat all their children equally. If they expect so much from one, they should expect the same from the rest. Perhaps I cannot really comment since I have never been a parent. But when I become a parent next time, I will make sure I treat my children equally, so I will not be accused of favouritism to one or the other.

Improving Vocabulary Through Scrabble

I just scored my highest ever score for a scrabble game - 506 points, with my highest scoring word "Squirm" at 51 points. I downloaded this Scrabble game from a link on Sonic's blog and it is really good! There are very comprehensive rules and regulations, and when you are stuck, there is a hint to help you along.

Through many trials and errors, I came across lots of words which I never thought existed. Well, this shows that you learn something new everyday. What a vocabulary-enriching session! Luckily I update myself with my friend's Scrabble news, otherwise I would never have known that "Ywis" is a word too!

But I am surprised that "Blog" is still not recognised as an official word in the Scrabble dictionary, or any other dictionaries for that matter. But I learnt words like Ars (yes, correct spelling), Coff, Ka, Dona, Ghi, Gox, Vim, Ut, Hm and Et. I am a regular at dictionary.com too, just to check out whether words existed. Once a geek, always a geek. Or shall I say once a bookworm, always a bookworm? Now I wonder if Mr Webster or Mr Oxford will want to update their collection of words.

Incidentally, I just heard from the Scrabble expert yesterday that there are 1,229 three-letter words in the Scrabble dictionary, not including common words like dog, cat, etc. Once I remember them, the game should be pretty easy. The problem is how am I going to remember all 1,229 three-letter words? Maybe that is why he can go for Scrabble tournaments all the time (another one this weekend, best of luck again!), and I am still stuck playing online or friendly games (and still losing!).

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, You Never Know What You Are Going To Get

The above line is made famous by my favourite movie character from my favourite movie played by my favourite actor, "Forrest Gump" starring Tom Hanks. My favourite tune "Forrest Gump Suite (Feathersong)" is also from the movie, which I always wanted to play during my wedding as a march-in song, together with Pachelbel's "Canon in D".

I had always been inspired by the famous line as it is so true! Besides the fact that I am a die-hard chocoholic, the statement itself reflects life in general. When you open a box of chocolates, there are many shapes and sizes and flavours. Each one is different and unique in its own way. Even in a packet of Kit Kats, each one is different. Some has more chocolate, and some has more wafers. Same goes to Ferrero Rocher. Some has more nuts, and some has more chocolate coating. The point is that every chocolate is different, no matter which brand it is. But they are all chocolates.

Just like life. Every individual is different. But we are all humans. So is it really necessary to kill each other off? Chocolate in a person's life is just like the above saying - one never knows what one is going to get. You will never know what will happen in life. You may set out to do certain things, but end up achieving some others. For instance there are a few things I wanted to be in life. I wanted to be a performing artist, a deputy public prosecutor, a teacher, a journalist, a counsellor, a historian, even an IT analyst. Strange is I have never throught of being an enginner (I cannot do physics) or doing something finance-related. Look at where all my ambitions landed (except for the teaching part, even then it is not really successful) and look where I am working at right now.

I already knew what I wanted to be when I was young - in the performing line. When that dream was killed, I received a Humanities scholarship to enter junior college, and I decided to go into some other areas - law, mass communications, arts. I thought the path of Mass Communications was open for me when I was accepted into Harvard University. Then when I received news that both Oxford and Birmingham Universities had accepted me, I was really ecstatic. I thought I could do a double degree in Law and English. Afterall, where best to study Shakespeare and the Classics than at the birthplace itself?

My folly caused my scholarship dream to be shattered, and since my brothers were still young, I did not want my parents to struggle just to send me overseas to study. An overseas education is very expensive; I know as right now, my parents are paying through their noses for my brother's overseas education. If I were to go overseas to study, what will happen to my brothers? Can my parents still afford if they want to go overseas as well? I do not want them to resort to withdrawing all their CPF, savings and even mortgaging the house just for our education. They have worked so hard all their lives to bring us up, they should keep their money for themselves.

So I chose the local route. Although a university education is expensive, but it is still much less in a local university as compared to overseas. I initially wanted Arts and Social Sciences, but since I made the grade, I decided to try for Law. When I was accepted, I was really ecstatic and decided to give it a try. Well, I tried but failed. I did not have the brains to continue. I barely passed my first year. So I decided to give up and concentrated on my passion for Humanities.

It was a choice between Mass Communications or teaching. If I entered Mass Communications, my parents had to pay another three or four years for me. If I entered NIE, I would only need to sign a bond with the Ministry of Education and my tuition and all other fees would be taken care of. I would even receive salary and bonuses for the first two years and an allowance for the last two years (in my case, my final year), as I was considered being employed by the Ministry and undergoing their training programme. It was literally being paid to study. Why not? Such a good deal! My parents need not pay for me anymore and they could have more money for themselves and my siblings.

Thus sometimes life may not necessary be what you think it will end up to be. There will always be changes along the way. Just like today, I was supposed to sing in the Sacred Music Festival, but I woke up with my voice gone. *Sob Sob* And talking about chocolate makes me want to indulge, but I cannot with a sore throat. *Sigh*

The most important is to just live life to the fullest and learn as much as you can, so at least you know you have led a fulfilling life and can go without regrets in the future. Although with my eating habits (everything extra sweet and salty, sometimes spicy but nothing bitter or sour), some of my friends commented that I am prepared to contract diabetes or kidney failure and die early. What to do since I have such a sweet tooth and enjoys good food? Afterall, what is the point of life if you do not get to enjoy things you like?

Discussing The Birds And The Bees

A friend asked me today if a guy can ever turn me on. Interesting question actually. Normally if anybody else asked me that (especially those desperate weirdos who are trying to get me out for flings nowadays) I would get very pissed, especially since it is none of anyone's business. However this friend of mine is always so serious, and we always get so involved in intellectual discussions, that I was actually not angry when he asked me the question.

My answer : No guy can turn me on unless he is my boyfriend. Even then, there must be a sense of control, as I will only go all the way with whoever will be my legal husband next time. Think me conservative or old-fashioned, but heavy petting and pre-marital sex for me is out. I will not compromise my dignity as a lady this way. But of course, unless the guy happens to be Legolas or Pei Yongjun or Brad Pitt in the buff, then that is another story ....... (fantasising)

My brother is disgusted over what I just wrote. He said how can I discuss issues like this so casually especially with someone of the opposite sex? Why not? It is a serious discussion, not bedtalk or any form of foreplay. I feel to really find out what others are thinking, one should discuss about everything. Although I suspect this friend may be trying to see if I can be his potential partner, but even then, I see no harm discussing issues like this.

My parents never discussed the birds and the bees with any of us. Whatever I know (as in sex education, not the actual act itself) comes from books, magazines and friends, both male and female. Whatever my brothers know come from me - yes, they do ask me questions relating to sex education. I feel parents should discuss topics like these openly with their children. What is so taboo or shy about it? It is natural for any kid to ask questions relating to sex, especially those hormonally-charged teenagers who are just in the process of discovering themselves.

By discussing sex education openly with the kids, they will know more and appreciate the parents for making the effort to inculcate wisdom in them. They will be less likely to think of doing the act all the time, and there will be less unwanted teenage pregnancies, or teenagers getting married, or abortion. Murder is already a great sin, let alone murder of one's own unborn child. The rise of teenage pregnancies, abortions and marriages became so alarming that the Ministry of Education decided to incorporate sex education into the secondary science syllabus in the late 1990s, and the upper primary science syllabus in 2003. Interesting to teach the kids actually, just to see the many reactions the topic will trigger.

Can Relationships Survive When Guys Enter The Army?

I had tea with a guy I met recently yesterday. We were talking about various things when the conversation steered towards army guys, and why were army guys always having their hearts broken? Considering what I witnessed between my friends, I have to admit that there is an alarming rate of break ups involving guys in the army. My friend told me that army guys keep irregularly long hours, and when they do book out, they are normally too tired so all they want is to sleep. As a result, they seldom have time for their girlfriends.

I have no comments to that as I have never experienced this type of life. All I can remember was my friends breaking up with their guys after their guys went into the army. And it was a big pity as they were together since first year. To break up just like that is really a pity, in my opinion. It was not like they had any major quarrels or issues or unresolved differences that caused them not to be able to stay together. A girl friend broke up with her guy just three months after he entered the army, as she complained that he never had time for her. She said he never bothered calling her from camp, and whenever he booked out, all he wanted to do was to rest or catch up on his own stuff. At that point in time, I was thinking she should be more understanding. No doubt being a girlfriend you would want your boyfriend to spend more time with you, but it was not within his control how much time he could spend outside. I always think she should have been more accommodating.

My best friend broke up with her then-boyfriend during his final months in the army. Even now, I still think he is the one that has been the nicest and sweetest to her, and I still think it is her loss that she broke up with him, especially after the way her subsequent boyfriends treated her. He actually made 101 mini paper cranes, put it into a glass bottle and asked me to pass to her during her birthday that year even though they have broken up.

Where to find such a sweet guy? I never had guys going through that trouble for me. She broke up with him because she fell for someone else while having her industrial attachment for her Business degree. Even though I disapproved of her decision, but still, as her best friend, I stood by her and helped her through whenever she had relationship problems. For a period of time, I had to comfort both her and her ex-boyfriend. Anyway he is getting married in two weeks time, so all's well for him, and good for the wife-to-be, lucky lady!

Despite all these, I have also come across cases where relationships survive and actually become stronger even after the guy entered the army. I have friends who have been with each other for close to ten years, and have already registered their marriage. I used to think I can survive a long-term relationship, but failed miserably.

My girl friend did think of ending the relationship when her boyfriend (or husband) entered the army as she was suddenly alone and lonely. They actually almost broke up, but upon reflecting, she realised that he could not help it as well. He had to serve the military, and to follow all the rules and regulations. So she held on and a good thing she did! Otherwise she would never have married such a great husband, and he a wonderful wife.

So I believe going to the army will not necessary jeopardise the relationship. It all depends on whether the girl is understanding, accommodating and flexible in the first place. But I guess the guys should also show the girlfriends that they are not forgotten. Any army guys out there willing to share your experiences?

My First Day (Back) At Work

London was bombed again. What are those @!#*& thinking of?! You can tell I am really angry when I start using undesirables in my words. Blair had better take some proactive actions soon, otherwise he may just lose his countrymen's faith and be forced to step down.

Today was my first day back at work. No wonder they needed people - it was a mad, mad rush the whole day. There were board meetings and various committee meetings scheduled for next week, thus all resolutions, agendas and documents have to be out. I have never drafted so many agendas before! I was just thrown into the full throttle of things. Luckily the people are very nice and helpful, so I did not feel that lost. What made it better was that my desk is directly facing Keppel Harbour, so I can get the full view of all the greenery and the sea. I always like a sea view. And I came across a couple of young, good-looking and polite male executives as well!

I just realised that there is a big, round and bright moon in the sky tonight. It is not a starry night, but the moon really puts me in a melancholic mood. It had been so long since I went walking around the beach in the moonlight with my loved one. The moon tonight makes me feel like going for a moon-gazing walk on the beach with a loved one. At times like these I really yearn for someone by my side.

Image Revamp?

I met up with a former NIE classmate of mine earlier on. He wanted to sell a mobile phone away, and since one of my friends is thinking of changing his phone, I decided to buy the phone from him and giving it to my friend. I have not seen him ever since we graduated and we have not spoken to each other except the occasional messages we sent each other.

I just realised today he got married in 2003. He is staying around the same area as my second ex-boyfriend, so sometimes we would take the same transport together whenever I needed to go to my ex-boyfriend's place. Imagine the number of changes within just a number of years. At the point of graduation, I was attached and about to get engaged, he was single. Now, he is married and I am single. What a twist of fate.

He remarked that he has not seen me for quite some time and I look so much better now. I admit I have revamped my image quite a few times ever since graduation. I can safely say that now that I am at version 6 of myself, I do look better than before. I now pay more attention to personal grooming and appearance, ever since I was dumped for an air-stewardess.

Now that I realise I can look good as well (I am NOT saying I am pretty, because that is not true since I know very well how I look), I want to maintain my image this way. Looking good gives me a sense of confidence. I became more self-confident after becoming version 6 - rebonded hair, contact lenses, more professional-looking makeup, painted nails, accessories.

I have attended grooming and etiquette workshops since young, but I have never really bothered to dress up. Before this version 6 of myself, my hair was wavy and frizzy and generally hard to maintain, I never really bothered with nail polish, and my makeup was very minimal. My girl friends were urging me to dress up more as they told me guys still go for girls who take pride in their appearance, especially since my ex-boyfriend became an air-steward.

I did not believe them as I thought my then-boyfriend and I had been together for so long, we have been through so much together, we had a connection, so our status was more or less secure. How wrong I was! Despite everything guys claimed, ie prefer inner beauty, rather have an intelligent and confident lady and so on, physical appearance still counts a lot. I truly believed only after I have been dumped for a pretty girl again.

One of my teaching colleagues once remarked, "There is no ugly women, only lazy women." To a certain extent, that is true. Imagine just a bit of grooming and makeup can transform how a lady looks. I may not look as good as those who are blessed with a pretty face, but now that I put in effort to look good, I realise I can look better than ever before.

And I really take pride in the fact that just a bit of time spent on my part for personal grooming can improve my image and confidence so much. So since I do not look so bad now, perhaps I can meet the right guy soon. Although I still profess that looks should not be a factor when considering whether to be in a relationship. What matters is the compatibility and the communication and the comfort you feel with each other.

Forgive me if you think I am singing my own praises, but I feel everyone deserves to indulge in self-praise once in a while. :-p

Banking Job Confirmed!

Alright I have decided! I am taking up the offer from DBS Bank, which means I start work tomorrow. Just as well, since I am getting a little bored with too much time on my hands anyway. Of the three job offers I received, DBS Bank seems to be the best place to work in. It is a big and established organisation, I will have the chance to grow and be exposed to different areas, the job security is there, and there will be more benefits as compared to other places. No doubt the pay is lower, but I was told it will be adjusted accordingly to what I was getting once I finish my probation. Hope all goes well this time!

Actually it is a big surprise for me that I was offered the job, in both DBS Bank and the accounting firm. Firstly, I have no prior background and knowledge in the areas of commerce, accounting and finance. The only time I actually did something commerce-related was Economics back in JC, and even then I only scored a C. I did not specialise in Accountancy or Banking and Finance. Although I had been doing corporate secretarial type of jobs when I was in the law firm, the job scope was more law-related. My job scope at DBS Bank will be similar, but will be more broad-based and financial related. But it is alright, since I plan to learn as much as I can and be exposed to as many different areas as possible anyway.

The third job offer was from a tuition centre. I was very tempted to take up the offer actually, since I still like to teach, but after the questions they asked me, I was so irritated that I turned them down. They asked me things like what makes me think I can teach well. Hey, I have an education degree, trained in both primary and secondary curriculum, gave tuition for five years, and taught in a government school for close to four years. I have taught the best class for two years.

Do all these not count for something?! I still have all my resources, books and syllabus from my teaching days. Teaching is one of those things which I have been trained in, have qualifications for, have experience in, and which I believe I can do well in. I did not spend my years struggling through NIE and being so stressed up for nothing. Thus I get really upset if people are skeptical over my qualifications and experience. But that is still a fact of life, isn't it? Prospective employers are always entitled to ask anything they like from a prospective employee.

Meanwhile I need to relax and wake up refreshed for my first day at my new job tomorrow. A new venture for me. Hopefully one that will remain stable and secure. The working hours will be longer though - from 8:30am to 6:15pm, Mondays to Fridays. I need to readjust my habits a little to wake up earlier. At least I still get the weekends off, and that is what is most important. I have no qualms working a little more during the week if I can only enjoy and rest during the weekends!

Once A Teacher, Always A Teacher

Guess what? I got another job offer, this time as a Corporate Associate in an accounting firm. Looks like I can never escape corporate work. My morning interviews are cancelled, so I guess I have to decide which one(s) to take up after my interviews later. Whatever it is, both jobs are giving me a cut in pay, as I am not really specialised in the area. But as long as the job is alright and the working environment is good, I do not really mind as long as I can earn enough to survive.

I received a wedding invitation from a former law classmate yesterday. I called her up to RSVP my attendance and to catch up. We used to discuss tutorials together. Now she is getting married in August to a Legal Counsel. Which means I have 2 weddings to attend in August.

She asked me why I gave up law to go into teaching. Won't the money be much less? Yes, the money is much less, but I like a job which I know I can benefit people. I told her that there are only a few things my parents wanted me to become - doctor, lawyer, engineer or architect. They were not that approving of me going into teaching as well. But as I weigh the job aspects, I realise that being a lawyer is the worst of the lot. Doctors earn money to save lives, engineers to construct things, architects to build houses.

But a lawyer earns money from the poor and criminals to get them off scot-free. Someone who is being sued for bankruptcy (who already has no assets to his name) still has to pay a standard four-figure lawyer's fee. How is he going to pay? Someone who is filing for divorce needs all the money to support children but still has to pay a hefty sum as legal fees. Worse is someone who is guilty of murder pays all the money just to get off scot-free. If I am a lawyer, I can earn all the money in the world, but I will not be able to live with myself. I like to live life with a clear conscience.

So since I like tutoring and children and music, I thought my life will be more fulfilling if I teach. And my life was more fulfilling during those times when I was teaching. It is a real joy to hear students and parents thanking me and saying they appreciate what I have done for their children. No doubt there are many nasty children and parents, but at the end of the day, as long as I know that I have done everything within my power to make a difference in their lives, it is enough for me. Despite all the many stacks of marking and long hours and lesson preparation, at least I know whatever I am doing is going to benefit others.

Teaching has become so much part of my life that I still want to teach and guide others. It is what I have always loved, and what I enjoy doing most. When I was in university, despite my heavy schedule, I still gave tuition to supplement my allowance. I have met many kids and their parents. Most of them are very nice parents. One mother used to cook lunch for me whenever I went to tutor her son in the afternoon. Another mother will confide in me how her children are like, and still messages me once in a while. Of course there are some very difficult parents, but that is part and parcel of life. One has to take the good and the bad. I used to help my brothers in their schoolwork. Even now, I still help my brother out in his work. Seems like once I have been a teacher, I will never get away from teaching.

I am not ruling out going back to teaching altogether. But I will not go back to the Ministry of Education. If I ever teach again, it will probably be in a private school or tuition centre or freelance tutoring, away from all the administration work and long meetings and unnecessary events in the school and inflexible system. But that will have to wait until my voice totally recovers and I have seen enough of the corporate world.