I am lonely. Perhaps after being in relationships for a good part of ten years, suddenly I find myself unattached, it is a little hard to get used to. Where are all the weekend movie, meal, shopping and occasional sports dates I used to have? I used to go out every weekend and come home only after dinner. But for the past month, if not for the chalet gathering and occasional singing practices, otherwise I would be stuck home for the whole weekend. It was not so bad in the past as my group of friends were unattached and I could still ask them out whenever I am lonely. Now they are either attached, engaged, registered, married or having kids. Ironically I have been in relationships longer than any of them. As it was, I was always the one whom people think would be the first to get married. Even for my ex-boyfriends, one is already married and the other one is getting married next year. Where did I go wrong?!
I used to think I can live without a guy. That was so long ago, the idealistic tendency of a young teenager. But ever since I reached adulthood, I wanted to get married by the time I turn twenty-five, have kids by twenty-seven. You people may laugh, but I have already thought of what my wedding will be like, right down to the gown, the venue, the theme, the church, the songs, the fun, everything. My friends used to joke that I can get married anytime already. What is missing now is the groom.
I believe I am a good girlfriend, who can be a good wife and mother. I give my boyfriend and future family upmost priority. I have no qualms going distances if they can be happy. I am willing to do everything for them. So why am I always the one suffering heartbreaks? Other girls have their boyfriends do their biddings all the time yet they can be the ones being happily married. Actually all my ex-boyfriends wanted me back after we broke up. They could call me and cry and asked me to forgive them and give another chance to start over. But did they think they could just ask me back so easily after breaking my heart so deeply? I believe in moving on once I get over the initial heartache.
My mum always said I am fickle whenever my relationships ended. (Incidentally I have not told her about the most recent one, although I think she suspects.) She said I started off with the guy then just threw them aside. Hello?! I was the one who got dumped, alright!? Contrary to what she said, I know exactly what I want. The guys I chose almost always had most of the qualities I listed out, except for that particular one, who really has all the criterias. She always said why can't I be like my cousins, whose boyfriends / girlfriends turn out to be the ones they marry, instead of being so frivolous like me. Does she think I do not want that? I also wish I can just have one boyfriend who will be my future partner. She sounded as if I enjoy getting my heart broken all the time. What to do if I just happened to be so unlucky?
No doubt I prayed for God's will today, but I cannot help but feel that if the particular someone will only give me a chance, I will try to be the best girlfriend anyone can ever ask for. I will try to make him feel so loved and lucky. The question is, is he willing to give me that chance?
P/S. 5 more to centenary post! Counting down .....
I used to think I can live without a guy. That was so long ago, the idealistic tendency of a young teenager. But ever since I reached adulthood, I wanted to get married by the time I turn twenty-five, have kids by twenty-seven. You people may laugh, but I have already thought of what my wedding will be like, right down to the gown, the venue, the theme, the church, the songs, the fun, everything. My friends used to joke that I can get married anytime already. What is missing now is the groom.
I believe I am a good girlfriend, who can be a good wife and mother. I give my boyfriend and future family upmost priority. I have no qualms going distances if they can be happy. I am willing to do everything for them. So why am I always the one suffering heartbreaks? Other girls have their boyfriends do their biddings all the time yet they can be the ones being happily married. Actually all my ex-boyfriends wanted me back after we broke up. They could call me and cry and asked me to forgive them and give another chance to start over. But did they think they could just ask me back so easily after breaking my heart so deeply? I believe in moving on once I get over the initial heartache.
My mum always said I am fickle whenever my relationships ended. (Incidentally I have not told her about the most recent one, although I think she suspects.) She said I started off with the guy then just threw them aside. Hello?! I was the one who got dumped, alright!? Contrary to what she said, I know exactly what I want. The guys I chose almost always had most of the qualities I listed out, except for that particular one, who really has all the criterias. She always said why can't I be like my cousins, whose boyfriends / girlfriends turn out to be the ones they marry, instead of being so frivolous like me. Does she think I do not want that? I also wish I can just have one boyfriend who will be my future partner. She sounded as if I enjoy getting my heart broken all the time. What to do if I just happened to be so unlucky?
No doubt I prayed for God's will today, but I cannot help but feel that if the particular someone will only give me a chance, I will try to be the best girlfriend anyone can ever ask for. I will try to make him feel so loved and lucky. The question is, is he willing to give me that chance?
P/S. 5 more to centenary post! Counting down .....
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