I just got off the phone with a close girl friend. She was raving about this Mickey and Minnie Mouse store in Bugis Junction, selling very nice T-shirts and bags. She asked me about my relationship. "What relationship?" I answered. I told her right now my status is single, available and searching.
She was pretty surprised as she thought I was always the one who stays in long relationships. Yes, I do stay in long relationships, but in the end, all for naught, and I ended up broken-hearted, and wasted my time and youth for nothing. So I said sometimes it is better not to be together for too long, as the relationship may just become very unhealthy. We got to discussing how some of our friends got married after just knowing their husbands for less than a year.
She asked whether it is possible to know if he is the guy you want to marry just after few months? Possible of course, judging from my recent experiences. As we progress in age and experience, we get to finally realise what we want in a partner. So for someone our age, we no longer go for flings (not that I have ever gone for any fling) or long courtships. We are no longer looking for a boyfriend but a life partner. Thus we should know the type of guy we are looking for, and if we meet someone who fulfils our requirements, we have every right to fight for him. Although if the guy is your type but you are not the guy's type, then that is another depressing story. In which case, it is best to let him go and look around for other options. There are so many people in the world, definitely we will be able to find someone else who can fit our requirements.
So she asked if I have met someone new. The truth is, I am getting more impressed with this friend of mine whom I am trying to decide whether to seriously consider. So far he has met a lot of my criterias. He is a born, baptised and confirmed Catholic and used to serve in church, his family is liberal and open-minded, he was born in New Zealand, moved back here, then went to Australia to study, scored 1500 out of 1600 for his SATs (I wonder if anyone I know ever beat my score of 1550), took an Integrated Programme and finished his 'O' levels at the age of 15 (in other words, very smart!!), graduated with a degree at the age of 18. He is mature for his age, very knowledgeable and worldly (probably due to his overseas education), we share many similar ideals and ambitions and what we want out of life, we are both die-hard chocoholics, both love good food and eating at the same restaurants, both have similar expectations of what we want out of relationships. Too good to be true right? So why am I still hesitating? The catch - he is much younger than me! He is just a few months older than my first brother!
I know I have said that age probably does not matter if both parties are compatible. I can accept it if the guy is even four years younger than me. But in this case, I want to be married before I turn 30, so do I want to wait a while longer? Can he afford to marry me by then? He is ambitious and still want to study more, which is a good thing, but that also means he will not get married that early. He says he will get married by the age of 25, but I will already be above 30 then. Can I really afford to take the risk and wait for him?
What a pity. If he is just a few years older, I would not have hesitated. I would probably have accepted if he asked me. And we can probably get married within the year. Thus, it is possible to know he is the right person to be with just after a few months. It is just a matter of knowing what you want out of life, a relationship and a partner. As long as you know what you want, everything else is smooth-sailing, and you do not need long periods of courtship to determine the stability and security of the relationship.
She was pretty surprised as she thought I was always the one who stays in long relationships. Yes, I do stay in long relationships, but in the end, all for naught, and I ended up broken-hearted, and wasted my time and youth for nothing. So I said sometimes it is better not to be together for too long, as the relationship may just become very unhealthy. We got to discussing how some of our friends got married after just knowing their husbands for less than a year.
She asked whether it is possible to know if he is the guy you want to marry just after few months? Possible of course, judging from my recent experiences. As we progress in age and experience, we get to finally realise what we want in a partner. So for someone our age, we no longer go for flings (not that I have ever gone for any fling) or long courtships. We are no longer looking for a boyfriend but a life partner. Thus we should know the type of guy we are looking for, and if we meet someone who fulfils our requirements, we have every right to fight for him. Although if the guy is your type but you are not the guy's type, then that is another depressing story. In which case, it is best to let him go and look around for other options. There are so many people in the world, definitely we will be able to find someone else who can fit our requirements.
So she asked if I have met someone new. The truth is, I am getting more impressed with this friend of mine whom I am trying to decide whether to seriously consider. So far he has met a lot of my criterias. He is a born, baptised and confirmed Catholic and used to serve in church, his family is liberal and open-minded, he was born in New Zealand, moved back here, then went to Australia to study, scored 1500 out of 1600 for his SATs (I wonder if anyone I know ever beat my score of 1550), took an Integrated Programme and finished his 'O' levels at the age of 15 (in other words, very smart!!), graduated with a degree at the age of 18. He is mature for his age, very knowledgeable and worldly (probably due to his overseas education), we share many similar ideals and ambitions and what we want out of life, we are both die-hard chocoholics, both love good food and eating at the same restaurants, both have similar expectations of what we want out of relationships. Too good to be true right? So why am I still hesitating? The catch - he is much younger than me! He is just a few months older than my first brother!
I know I have said that age probably does not matter if both parties are compatible. I can accept it if the guy is even four years younger than me. But in this case, I want to be married before I turn 30, so do I want to wait a while longer? Can he afford to marry me by then? He is ambitious and still want to study more, which is a good thing, but that also means he will not get married that early. He says he will get married by the age of 25, but I will already be above 30 then. Can I really afford to take the risk and wait for him?
What a pity. If he is just a few years older, I would not have hesitated. I would probably have accepted if he asked me. And we can probably get married within the year. Thus, it is possible to know he is the right person to be with just after a few months. It is just a matter of knowing what you want out of life, a relationship and a partner. As long as you know what you want, everything else is smooth-sailing, and you do not need long periods of courtship to determine the stability and security of the relationship.
2 comments:
I think people always look at compatibility as first criteria. While this is indeed an important criteria, i would say THE most important criteria lies on how you guys solved the incompatibility.
Bear in mind, marriage is a marathon.. being compatible is a good start but to sustain it over it is more important to find out how you guys solved the incompatibility. Afterall people change all the time. Maybe that's why there's a lot of marriages ending with "we're no longer compatible with each other". That's sad imho coz they certainly think they're compatible with each other at one point of time.
Good tip from a happily married man! I always believe in trying my best to make my relationships work, but sometimes there come a point where it is practically impossible to be together anymore. So I just have to learn from all my failures and try to handle things better in my next relationship.
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