At times I wonder if my parents favour my brothers more than me. How typical of Chinese parents! Just from the birthday celebrations alone I can tell how they treat us. My first brother turned 21 this year, and my parents specially flew to Shanghai just to celebrate with him. Before he left for his new semester in February, my parents threw a party as an advanced celebration.
My youngest brother is turning 17 in two weeks, and he has a choice between a pool table or a new mobile phone (under my dad's account) for his birthday gift. I never had that elaborate gifts, or thrown a birthday party, whether I was 17 or 21. The most my parents ever did was to buy me a sinful chocolate cake and gave cash gifts (until I started working, by then it was just a cake), except for the mobile phone my dad gave me for my 21st birthday, but even then, I had to foot my own bills.
I am not making a big deal of how my birthday should be celebrated. But I just find it so unfair. Am I not their child too?! Why are my brothers' birthdays so much more important and more worthy of celebrating than mine? It is not just on birthday celebrations alone that we are treated differently. We are also treated differently on our school results.
When I scored 252 for my PSLE, no doubt it was no big deal, but my mum was not happy as I did not score straight A-stars. When I scored 10 points for my 'O' levels and entered a premier JC, she was again not happy as I did not score straight As. When I gave up all my 3 'S' papers, she was furious! When I scored 3As, 1C, 1 A1 and 1 B3 for my 'A' levels, she was also not happy.
She was satisfied only when I entered law. Needless to say, she was furious when I dropped out. My university results were never to her satisfaction as they were never straight As, and even now, she never let me forget that I did not have an Honours degree, as compared to my cousins who have first-class Honours and Masters in Law, Engineering, Medicine, Architecture, Accountancy, Business Administration, Economics, Computer Science. I find it very stressful being her child!
My first brother? He scored only 229 for his PSLE, and my parents did not even say a thing! I would have been skinned alive by them if I scored that grade! He did not score well enough to enter any JC, so my parents sent him to Perth to study. He passed his degree only at the skin of his teeth, and now my parents sent him to China hoping he would brush up his qualifications, but apparently his results are still on borderline.
My youngest brother? He scored 240 for his PSLE and 10 points for his 'O' levels. Right now he is in JC, but not a premier one, and he looks set to drop one subject already, as he failed a few subjects at his recent mid-year examinations. Yet my parents did not say anything! Why are they only so sarcastic to me? Why am I the only one that they push to excel in studies and other activities? My brothers were never sent to any music or enrichment courses, only me! Why is it so unfair?
Even in relationships, my mum expects me to bring home someone established and with good career prospects, essentially someone she feels worthy and able to provide for me, and not someone who is still studying or starting out on a career. Who makes her the judge on whether the guy is worthy of me? I know it best how worthy he is.
She always tell me to find someone rich enough to give me a good life. I always tell her whether the person is rich is immaterial, as long as he is the type I want. And if the guy is too rich, who is to say he will not fool around? But right now, she tells my brother she will be happy enough if he can bring home a nice girl. Why am I the only one she puts demands and her high expectations on? Am I really so useless in her eyes?
Do not get me wrong. I love my family. I have no qualms for my brothers to receive nice gifts and celebrations. I just find it unfair that I am being treated so differently from them. Even during our younger days, I was the one that got scolded for everything my brothers did. It was as if my parents could not bear to scold them.
I feel that parents should treat all their children equally. If they expect so much from one, they should expect the same from the rest. Perhaps I cannot really comment since I have never been a parent. But when I become a parent next time, I will make sure I treat my children equally, so I will not be accused of favouritism to one or the other.
My youngest brother is turning 17 in two weeks, and he has a choice between a pool table or a new mobile phone (under my dad's account) for his birthday gift. I never had that elaborate gifts, or thrown a birthday party, whether I was 17 or 21. The most my parents ever did was to buy me a sinful chocolate cake and gave cash gifts (until I started working, by then it was just a cake), except for the mobile phone my dad gave me for my 21st birthday, but even then, I had to foot my own bills.
I am not making a big deal of how my birthday should be celebrated. But I just find it so unfair. Am I not their child too?! Why are my brothers' birthdays so much more important and more worthy of celebrating than mine? It is not just on birthday celebrations alone that we are treated differently. We are also treated differently on our school results.
When I scored 252 for my PSLE, no doubt it was no big deal, but my mum was not happy as I did not score straight A-stars. When I scored 10 points for my 'O' levels and entered a premier JC, she was again not happy as I did not score straight As. When I gave up all my 3 'S' papers, she was furious! When I scored 3As, 1C, 1 A1 and 1 B3 for my 'A' levels, she was also not happy.
She was satisfied only when I entered law. Needless to say, she was furious when I dropped out. My university results were never to her satisfaction as they were never straight As, and even now, she never let me forget that I did not have an Honours degree, as compared to my cousins who have first-class Honours and Masters in Law, Engineering, Medicine, Architecture, Accountancy, Business Administration, Economics, Computer Science. I find it very stressful being her child!
My first brother? He scored only 229 for his PSLE, and my parents did not even say a thing! I would have been skinned alive by them if I scored that grade! He did not score well enough to enter any JC, so my parents sent him to Perth to study. He passed his degree only at the skin of his teeth, and now my parents sent him to China hoping he would brush up his qualifications, but apparently his results are still on borderline.
My youngest brother? He scored 240 for his PSLE and 10 points for his 'O' levels. Right now he is in JC, but not a premier one, and he looks set to drop one subject already, as he failed a few subjects at his recent mid-year examinations. Yet my parents did not say anything! Why are they only so sarcastic to me? Why am I the only one that they push to excel in studies and other activities? My brothers were never sent to any music or enrichment courses, only me! Why is it so unfair?
Even in relationships, my mum expects me to bring home someone established and with good career prospects, essentially someone she feels worthy and able to provide for me, and not someone who is still studying or starting out on a career. Who makes her the judge on whether the guy is worthy of me? I know it best how worthy he is.
She always tell me to find someone rich enough to give me a good life. I always tell her whether the person is rich is immaterial, as long as he is the type I want. And if the guy is too rich, who is to say he will not fool around? But right now, she tells my brother she will be happy enough if he can bring home a nice girl. Why am I the only one she puts demands and her high expectations on? Am I really so useless in her eyes?
Do not get me wrong. I love my family. I have no qualms for my brothers to receive nice gifts and celebrations. I just find it unfair that I am being treated so differently from them. Even during our younger days, I was the one that got scolded for everything my brothers did. It was as if my parents could not bear to scold them.
I feel that parents should treat all their children equally. If they expect so much from one, they should expect the same from the rest. Perhaps I cannot really comment since I have never been a parent. But when I become a parent next time, I will make sure I treat my children equally, so I will not be accused of favouritism to one or the other.
3 comments:
i would say it is a typical chinese parent to put all the pressure on first child (whether it's a boy or a girl). As for the youngest one, he/she will usually be spoilt. Same situation I encountered and my youngest brother escaped the wrath.. That's why I'm never close to my youngest brother as the upbringing result since he is spoilt by my parents as we grew up
I think the morale of the story is, don't ever spoil your future children :P
I totally agree with you. Even though my youngest brother is close to me, but I cannot stand his attitude sometimes, as I find him self-centred and selfish. He expects the whole world to cater to him and I do not like that. I fear how he will turn out next time if he still always takes things for granted.
well.. that's the consequences that the parents received when they decided to spoil their kids... :P
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